Small People = Sheeqeen Dementia

Those were just words.

2010-12-08T23:02:00.003+08:00

I once said to you that I won't trust your words when you say you miss me and stuff cause I don't want to take things too fast and don't want to repeat another mistakes. But after knowing you for some time, I realise that I could somehow trust you and your words.

I told you bout my feelings towards you and started saying IMY. I somehow did mean it when saying those words cause I know that I'm falling for you. But eventually all that seem to be just for awhile. Ever since we had the convo, you seem to react differently towards me and seem to like ignoring me.

Now everything really make sense. You do mean it saying those words to me, it was all just for awhile. You can't seem to accept my true self. It just feel so hurt to see myself being ignore by someone whom I address him as "baby". Maybe it was all just another stupid mistake make. Those text used to be kinda long but now, its only like a one word reply. That seem to be like you are ignoring me and slowly leaving me. I never know and would understand if you are really leaving.

I just don't know what to say anymore. I'm just kinda hurt and miserable. I guess December is not being good to me. I'm just going to wait for him to say "I miss you badly and can I meet you?" and not going to keep pestering him anymore.

And I shall end with this:
I want the old you back and accept me for who I am.

I really miss you and please stop ignoring me will you.

2010-10-12T20:16:00.001+08:00

I'm more active on tumblr.
I may blog there instead of here.
Check it out : http://its-dementia.tumblr.com/

2010-09-20T23:53:00.002+08:00

Just had my graduation ceremony on the 17 Sept 2010.
Theme song for this year is "Don't stop believing."
After the ceremony, I feel much more matured and have realise that I'm big enough to make big decisions in life & don't stop believing along the way.

Graduation ceremony first start off with opening speech by Mrs low and proceed to certificate presentations, talk by Mr Lee and movie screening "Meet the Robinson" after which off for a break or shall I say recess. After recess continue with short talk by Mr Lee, Screening of past photos by Mr Toh. It finish up with a talk by Mr Yong & Last few words of dedications by the class chair & vice-chairperson.

After all that done,we have a light refreshment & also "party". Take pictures with teachers & friends for the "last time." Go to my facebook for more pictures. I really had fun on that day. Although some may consider it as our last meeting, I still hope that one day we will meet each and everyone again in the following years.

Secondary school life is the best part of life.
We learn to be more matured and understand what is life all about.
As we are teenagers, we tend to make so many mistakes but there are people surrounding us who are willing to help us chance for the better.

All thanks to my classmates, best friends & also my teachers who have been there supporting me in making me to the better person & making me realise & appreciate the world.

"Life is short & we only live once.

Treasure the chance you have to live before everything is too late."

2010-09-10T15:17:00.002+08:00

Blog has been dead.

Currently, I'm more active on Facebook, Twitter & Tumblr.

Right now, busy "studying" for N Level.

First part of N is over & still have to get my heads on those books for the next paper on 4th Oct.

Due to that, raya this year is not as fun as last year.

Ohh well, today is the first day of raya, and here I am blogging . Right now I'm at my granny house and every year its the same. Just stay at granny house & wait for the rest to come. So pathetic. I feel so bored and just feel like going home & sleep. Ayayaya..

2010-07-31T00:45:00.002+08:00

Lately blog has been dead ever since I created Tumblr and being more active on Twitter. Currently I'm beginning to start to do revision for Prelim 2 and N level Exams. This time round I have to commit to school in order to pass. I have to put aside all my bad habits. Will I be able to do so? I'm still not sure about it. I'm still trying. With few more days left, I'm still trying to seek teachers and friends help. Although its kind a last minute thing, I can still do well if I want to. Enough said bout school.

Most of you guys know that I'm from 22 Beatz Squad Dance Crew to 22 Criticalucious Beatz dance crew. But I'm glad to announced that I'm finally no longer belong to that crew. After 2 years of waiting. As for now I'm under D'Xuberant Crew [DXC]. But not sure how long will that crew last. Currently the crew seem to be facing lots of problems. Is either we did it or we didn't. Its all up to fate. Regarding 22 Beatz Squad, I got nothing to say. Lets just see how far they will go with just 3-4 dancers which not most of them can really pop and krump like the founder of it can. It's not like as if DXC didn't know that they wanna beat us in everything or what so ever, we do but we just don't bother about it. Both are in the same position right now. Still new and still got lots to learn, so lets just fight from the lowest best before the highest best. You get what I'm trying to say? Don't just jump to the best when you are not even ready to fight the best and in the end felt ashamed of yourself and your crew.

Enough said, what's up with family and friends? Family seem to be fine. Beginning to talk and understand one another. Although there is lack of attention given now I've realise that I have to think positive on the situation and stop having negative thoughts. Although at times I do have problems with family, I will try do nasty things but after reading a newspaper article and "blog" I've came to realise that I'm fortunate enough to have a family which care about me even though they don't show it. As for friends, they are beginning to give me advise about school and facing problems in life. Without them, life is not complete. Although I'm the type that don't really like to make friends, but only with just a few Friends, they are able to change me to a better person and help to regain my self-esteem. Its easy to make friends but its difficult to find the one that will truly stand by you every time you need a listening ear. Once said you are being regard as a best friends, accept that status given and don't hope for more cause you might felt hurt in the end. Friends come and go. But true friends won't leave you just like how your family members is, to support you.

So that's about it I guess. Will have to concentrate on school after this onwards. Not much time to post or whatever. Next post-counting down ?? days.

PS: If you realise one of my eyes in the picture is smaller than the other one. haha.

2010-07-11T01:34:00.002+08:00

Right now time check is 1:47 am and at aunt house which is located at Taman Jurong.

Suppose to help out with tomorrow "kenduri" but I didn't.

So well the purpose of today post is to blog about the music video shoot on friday and the rapping competition just now.

I'm just gonna make it short.

Friday didn't attend school for some reasons and later at night, went to N.T.U for Miskz Efa Music Video shoot. It was awesome. Had lots of laughter and crappy moments. Although we don't really know the girls there, we did make friends with them especially with Nina and Noris. Funny la you people. So the shoot ends like around 3 in the morning or later then that. So we have to stayed overnight there, some went home taking cabs, parents pick up and some just walk home or boyfee pick up. Left with myself, Nana P, Nina and Noris. Spent the night at N.T.U till 6.20 and headed to MRT and off home.

After reaching home at around 8, went to bed and wake up around 12 noon. Didn't had nothing to do till 4, I decided to remix a few songs(rosak kan lagu org je aku ni. haha) and rot at home watching tv and eat snacks. After which went to meet Nana P and off to Dhoby Ghaut to watch the rapping competition. To cut short, here's the result: Group Category goes to 3 house entertainment and Solo category goes to Chaz Ali. Everyone was good on that day and I can see that it was a hard decision. Phat G and Fantastic 4 dancers was also there to perform with the participants of the competition. It was great though. "KECOH" was the word of the day.. *Hands up n say KECOH* haha.

Super awesome and can't wait for Monday, another shoot.

PS: Eshut was there too.*meltz*

2010-07-04T16:30:00.003+08:00

Small People birthday is coming. I just can't wait. But sad enough to say that its on Tuesday. How I wish that it was on Saturday. Counting down, 16 more days to 20Th July. How will that day be like I just don't know.

What is it that I want this year? I kept asking. But the answer seem to be the same. "Just a surprise." But that's not all. All I ever want is to see girls-Fatynn, Nana P, Firah, Feezah, Belle... & guys friends-Eshut, N-Dy, Choco... to celebrate it with me with fun and laughter.

I'm not asking for much. Just a surprise is enough. As long as you guys remember about it, I'm fine with it. It's the thoughts that count. Also would really appreciate to see Giant there, talking and spending the day with me during the day of the surprise itself. ha ha.

Ohh well, enough about it. Anyway, yesterday went for rap competition at Dhoby Ghaut, Plaza Singapura, to support a duet between Choc'O and FataliteePhlow and they call themselves the O'Phlow. Not only that also support Space Clique and Urban Nize(is that how u spell it?)and Choc'O alone too. Not to forget supported Miskz Efa and Chaz Ali. Still lots to mention but will just name a few aite.

Guess what? During O'Phlow performance, they perform with back up dancer from Fantastic Forze. Eshut was there and I was like can't stop my eye looking at him. Haha. But although I didn't talk much or worse didn't even talk to him, being able to see him makes me feel happy and sad a little. As for the result, O'Phlow, Miskz Efa, Chaz Ali, Urban Nize and some other people make it to the finals. Guys do come down next Saturday to support your local rappers aite.

Not to forget the best interesting thing part is that Choc'o offer to sell me the shoes that I'm buying from him at only $100 for my birthday. Thanks lots for the offer. I just can't wait to see the varieties of shoes that his selling. Haha. Small people getting new shoes at last. To belle: Bile lagy nak beli? haha.

And also Babyice, Nana P and myself gonna be in Miskz Efa Independent music video. Can't wait to shoot on Friday. That's about it I guess.

To eshut if you're reading this: You're msges really make my day and How I wish to receive it most of the time like the past. Texting terms instead of talking terms is fine with me.

2010-06-27T23:59:00.003+08:00

Let's get things straight.

When I say "Brain still thinking of going out to chill, drink, eat & fun" in my previous post, I didn't mean as in to get drunk or what so ever. People say that you can post anything you want on your blog but not everything. That is what I'm doing in that post actually. Not everything has been said about June holidays.

What I'm trying to say is that drink=normal kind of drink & eat. I didn't expect for you guys to think that far. But you guys did and what can I do bout it. I was feeling so down during my June holidays and there are things that happen which make me say that "Brain still thinking of going out to chill, drink, eat and fun."

At home there's nothing that I can do, eat or whatever. I'm facing harder than before. School gonna starts in few hours time and I know I should be sleeping but I just can't.

I'm not yet ready to face you guys.Cause I know you guys gonna ask "how was your holiday." I don't want to talk about it. June holidays are not really spent much with you guys, but it's ok, you guys had your plans.

Most of the time, I just stayed at home, rotting hearing Mrs Come Back Home nag and get erm..
I didn't expect life to turn this way. But what can I do? I'm just hoping for the better. After reading text message and Belle blog, I felt so down till I break down again and again. Guys I hope you guys really understand what I'm trying to say. I can't elaborate more.

And I shall end with this:

"I have a lot of problems in my life that I don’t like talking about. I’m a complicated person and no many realizes that. People look at me and judge me but that’s okay they don’t know me. I honestly feel alone in the world, like no one understands me, but I hope that one day maybe, just maybe someone will. The world is a crude and horrible place that we live in and I’m starting to realize that now. I’m starting to realize who’s going to be there for me and who’s not. Meeting new people is making a difference in my life, for the better, hopefully. I see more and more people hurting me each day. From the things they say to the actions they take, they're breaking me down, slowly."

2010-06-27T18:58:00.005+08:00

Lets begin with this:

" Do you see that girl staring into space? If you were to ask what's wrong, she would say nothing, when in reality it's everything. She's sitting there wondering what she did wrong, what she could have done differently, how she would have changed it if she had the chance. And if she had the chance to go back and do it again, would it end with the same result? That's why she stares."

I just don't know what to decide and what to do next in life. People keep saying finish up with your secondary stuff and go to Poly or ITE then decide from there what you want to do next. Its easy for people to say cause maybe their life are not as hard as mine. Talking about it every single time make me just wanna stop.

School starts tomorrow and I'm still left with a few more physics questions waiting to be done. Brain are just not thinking anything about studies/dance. I feel like doing nothing.
Dance pratice is tomorrow at 4:30 and if i'm late, fine $2. Can't afford to be late. That's the new rule for the girls crew and I'm not sure about the guys rules. Everything and everyday is a new begining but I have to see it not as a new begining cause I just can't.

And I shall end with this:

"Sometimes, too much happiness can be frightening. Cause you know, things end."

2010-06-24T19:57:00.002+08:00

Let's begin with this:

"Life isn’t about keeping score.
It’s not about how many people call you and it’s not about who you’ve dated, are dating, or haven’t dated at all.
It isn’t about who you’ve kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you.
It’s not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school.
In fact, it’s not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn’t about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
Life just isn’t about that.
But life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It’s about how you feel about yourself.
It’s about trust, happiness, and compassion.
Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence.
It’s about what you say and what you mean.
It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have.
Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else’s in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.
These choices are what life’s about."

Holidays are coming to an end.
And I'm finally finishing all the holidays homework.
School are opening soon and school stuff are not yet ready.
Brain still thinking of going out to chill, drink, eat & fun.
Holiday are suppose to revise and do revision but I'm more into doing other stuff.
Most people are spending their holidays with family and friends.
But unlike me, just rotting at home and go for all girls crew dance practice.
It seem like I'm not in the mood for holidays nor school.
Life seem to get even worse and I don't even know how does tomorrow looks like.
17 July or 24 July might be my last dance.
I'm just not to sure of what I really wants.
So many things are up on my mind and I can't seem to decide.
Full time listening ear seem busy working and it seem like he ain't got the time to listen/talk/mit up anymore.
But it's okay, I have to understand that he's having his attachment though.
When school reopens I just hope that friends won't ask anything bout my left hand or whatever regaeding "June Holidays."
June 2010 seem to be a bad moment for me.
I just can't wait to say goodbye to June and welcome July.
July is near and so many July babies are waiting for the month to come.
3 July-Fyqah 15th Birthday
12 July-Azfar 16th Birthday
13 July-Ndy Dreamgirl 19th Birthday
20 July-Small People 16th Birthday & Khairi 18th Birthday
That's bout it I guess or is there more people that I miss out?

I'm not yet done about June anyway.
Today is 24 and tomorrow is 25.
25 June marks 2 months of my "friendship" with eshut parker.
1 month of relationship and 1 month of friendship.
What will happen on Friday?
Should I text him or just forget about it.
I just don't know.
I've been missing him lately.
I thought that I've manage to forget bout him but it seem to came back.

Shall end here with..

2010-06-19T15:58:00.002+08:00

As I was reading a fren of mine tumblr,

This is what I've found

To me it means so much as I'm
Currently missing someone in life and don't seem
To be able to get back to the past with
That particular person.

Can I turn back to the past
And live the life to the fullest with that person?

2010-06-19T15:41:00.002+08:00

Just uploading this for C.Fiona

Upcoming dance comp, hope you are intrested

As this is the only comp that I can find.

Haha, if you need the form just inform me aite.
I can get it for you.
If there's more dance comp i will update through blog.

2010-06-18T00:27:00.002+08:00

Urban Floormix 2010 was a disaster.
For those who didn't attend, that's good.
For those who did, I'm sure you guys know how bad it was.

I prefer Urban Floormix 2009.
It was much more way better then 2010.
Sorry to say this, I bet not many crews gonna join this dance comp again.
If there is Urban floormix 2011.

The sound system sucks and the event is not well plan.
The emcee didn't deliver well during the event.
Helpers on that day are not doing their job well.

Everything was just in a mass.

Try to talk things out with Muzy and Taufik regarding the event.
But they just won't listen.
Want to do it their on way and everything sucks.

Told me to ask the rappers to come at 1.30 for sound check but end up the had their sound check at 3.30, almost 4 when the event itself was about to start.
What's the point of having a piece of paper with the schedule in your hands when you don't even follow it.

I'm not going to be part of it anymore until the event is well planned and not all sucks. Not going to help you guys ask the rappers to perform or what ever.

Gosh, I'm just pissed and I can't believe I cried twice that day for this kind of shit event.
Was feeling so stress bout the event and only Nana P. and Nazmi knows how it feels like when everyone tells you the event sucks, this and that when you are just the asst. organiser (was given the role by draw lots, like wth.) and didn't know much bout the event and when everyone is like blaming you when you've tried your best to solve the problems but no one is listening to you.

To fik no point commenting on facebook saying:

"We would like to apologise for everything to the participants and audience. We hope there is no grudges against us.. It was all a last minute thing. the Emcee could nt come coz he gt some urgent issues to make.we are so sorry for the cock up event."

Its not like the emcee couldn't make it. The emcee is there. Don't try to cover things up. It's just the emcee are just not too sure of what is going on that day. Its not a last minute thing. You guys have planned about this since the beginning of the year. But everytime when I gave opinion or suggestion, you guys just won't listen or just said that, " Yes, I know. We will do that later or whatever." This is what happen when you don't listen to people opinions.

This is like the 2010 Worse Event Ever.

2010-06-17T19:25:00.002+08:00

I was surfing on facebook, till I found this.

Him: If u love someone,let them go,if they return, u are meant to be together...but if they did not,u don't have to be upset but instead move on with someone else and that could be the lady that will be with u forever..

I then decided to reply with this.

Me: You can't simply wait for that person to come to you, you yourself must do your part. you never knw if tat person whom didn't even come to you is actually the one whom really loves you and want you back.

He then commented on it.

Him: Are you like answering to my status?

Me: Your status? Hmm, im nt sure bout tat.

Im juz saying wad i've gt to.

haha..

tk kn dier terase kn.. hmm...

I just think that what he said on his status don't really seem right. You never know if that next person is the one whom really is the one. At times the one who is gone, can somehow be the one for you. Things are complicated and it doesn’t matter who dumped who or why. Whenever a girl/guy see an ex with another girl/guy, it always bothers us. Not because we’re not over you, but because we know that we used to be that person whom always be with you.

2010-06-13T00:02:00.002+08:00

120610

Last night had a dream about us texting each other.

Him: How u doing?
Me: Fine I guess.
Him: Ouh ok. Cn I ask u sumthing?
Me: Yea, wad up?
Him: We are officially done rite?
Me: IDK. Wad do u think?
Him: Yes.... No...

I was awake then when I heard my mom voice shouting waking me up.
Damn it, I miss out the most important part of the msg.
Wad is it that he wanna say?
Wad does this me eventually?

Gosh, I was crying and our picture was on my wallpaper..
Hais..

2010-06-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

Everything around me reminds me of Giant.
I don't know how am I going to face tomorrow.

I tried to move on but it is just so diff.

Gosh damn it.

2010-06-09T15:12:00.003+08:00

It is all over between us.
250410-080610

Me: B. Where you at?
Him: Hme y?
Me: Tk keluar?
Him: Jap lagy, Knape? where u at?

Me: Hm. U goin for prac?

Him: Yeap, nnt. I igt u klua ke ape. Blh jumpe kat wdlnd.

Me: I won't be goin out THESE FEW DAYS. I hve to finish up my cw...

Him: .....

It then lead to..

Me: Ouh ok, so kirekn u going to spent ur holidays by just goin 4 prac?

Him: Yes I suppose.
Me: N nt going to spent time with me?

Him: Abeh tady u ckp ape? U bnyk cw kn!! Tis few days u tk leh klua!! I was about to ask if u cud go out ke tk bt den u alr ans!! Knape bby suke tuduh I dulu sebelum tanye??

Me: Mane ade tuduh. I was juz asking u. Yes Im going to be busy doing my cw bt then I knw hw am I suppose to manage my time so that Im able to spent time with you. Its nt like everyday I'm doing cw. I only said THESE FEW DAYS.

Him: bt den u ckp ' nt spending time with me' da mcm u tuduh i kn!! dh la b! Im sick n tired of all this!! Dgn fam, dance, U lagy! I feel like ending my life. do u knw tat?

Me: B I tkde niat pn nk tuduh u, dh u nk ckp mcm gitu, ckp la.. I je kn yg salah, u je ug btl. B sendiri ade prob tk nk share. Hw am I goin to be ur listening ear if u dun even wanna share ur prob? Yea u r sick n tired of all this shit.bt y? Bcoz of me.

Him: Suke hati u ar nk pikir ape!

Me: Fine! U dh mls nk layan I kn.

Him: Ikut suke hati b ar.

Me: All this while I tried to understand u, giving u space. Bt tis is wad I get. Thnx. I knw im full of nonsense.

Yet no reply.
Am I really at fault?
I Don't know.

Later at nite, he called.
I was so mad at him n myself and didn't even want to pick up his calls.

He then txt me.

Him: B :(

Me: B do u knw u making me feel tat u taking me 4 granted.

Him: B, tat really hurt me. Its like u saying, Im using u.

Me: Why must u always get me wrong? Stp jumping into conclusion will you? I'm not saying u r using me bt taking me 4 granted. Like u r nt being there when I need you and yes, I do regret whenever come to support you. Cause in the end you will act like as if im nt there? Wat do u treat me as? Am I wrong to demand tat? Please B I'm ur gf and nt some street chick. Please..

After which, he didn't reply.
So ya b4 when to bed, I txt him again.

Me: B my words may be harsh. None of us want tl it off. I juz want to spent time wif you. I knw u r busy with dance. All I ever ask is ur time. N nt mre bby. is tat so hard? Pls b, I dun want to live alone. I nid you bt ur time are just for fam and dance. I tried to understand you but I cant. Coz I dun knw wad u r facing now n u want to face it alone. Kte susah same2, senag same2 la. Pls think bout wad I've said and am really ur bby g?

No reply till the nxt day.
Recieve a txt msg frm him ard 545-6pm.

Him: B, tis is the last time im gnna call u bby. Tis is the last time u gnna recieve msges and calls frm me. I think its better 4 us to split bcoz i cnt be wif u most of the time, be there when u nid me. I knw i've hurt u alot. Bt im sorry. I think its better 4 us to say goodbye. Im sorry. I knw i've hurt u. I knw im a jerk. Thnx 4 being such a wnderful gf all this while bt i'll pray dat u will find a way better bf that is nt a jerk like me. Im happy to have u as my gf. thnx sheeqeen bt i hope we cn still be close frens. Lastly im sorry and move on aites. :(

Readers I'm sorry, cnt move on with the story.
I'm feeling really dwn rite nw.
I hope you guys understand this far.

And to my "Baby Giant"
A very goodbye and Im gonna miss you.

2010-06-07T17:57:00.002+08:00

Damn it my Mp3 sucks rite now.
Thanks to my 2nd sis.

How would you feel when you lend someone your stuff and when you get it back, it is not functioning normally and there's nothing you can do about it?

Feel frustrated and pissed off isn't it.

Well that is what I'm facing right now.
I reach home from school around 3 listening to my Mp3 when it was functioning normally and my 2nd sis beg to use the mp3. Let her use it and when I woke up from my nap, saw it not switch off at all. I tried to switch it off but I can't. The LCD screen remain blank.

Tried to charge it and who knows it might change the matter. But nothing happen. told her to take full responsibilities with my brother ask anything bout it as that Mp3 belongs to my elder sister to my brother and to me. At any point of time my brother will ask for it when ever he wanted to use it.

What am I suppose to say? The bloody sister of mine is getting on my nerve seriously. Till now all she did was to watch tv like as if she did nothing and don't bother to do anything bout it at all. And here I am blogging about it and the Mp3 is still in the same state. Gosh what am I suppose to do and say, I just don't know. Somebody save me.

I hope by tomorrow morning it will all be fine. I'm just gonna let it on the whole day till the battery is flt and just charge it the next day and let's just hope that everything will be fine as per normal. And when it is, this is gonna be the last time my 2nd sis will be able to borrow the Mp3 and my other stuff. I've enough of her nuisance. this not the first time anyway.

Readers don't mind me as today post gonna be super duper long.

There are so many things up on my mind which make me really wanna blog.

As I was surfing on Facebook. This is what I've found and I don't really think that my giant mean it when answering the question.

(Social Interview)

What is Sheeqeen Dementia's
My Baby Girl.

Firstly I'm sorry if I'm having this kind of mindset. I know you want me to change my mindset but I just can't. I don't see the point of me changing my mindset and you yourself didn't. If that is really your answer, I just want to ask you this, Am I really your baby girl? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know? You answer it.

I tried to understand you all these while giving you space for dance and your own stuff. But I just think that, I've given you too much space till you don't even manage it well till I'm not even written in your time-table I guess. Don't said that I didn't tried to understand you or whatever, I did and I've tried. It's just you that don't let yourself to have the time to spent with me. If that is how you treat your baby girl, then I'm sorry that is not how I want to be treated.

I hope you are reading this. And please stop saying things that make me feel so down. If you don't want to see me breakdown then for goodness sake, think bout what I've said and manage your time well giant. I'm just asking for a few hours of your time. Is that so difficult?

2010-06-05T20:22:00.011+08:00

Small People In Da House!

Blog updated!

Part 1:

Dance Xplosion 5
04-05-10

Everything was fine on that day.

Until there's things came up between

Choco & Nana P.
So not pictures were taken.

Congratz to Fan Kidz & Fan 4 Crew
on their winning yesterday.
You guys deserve it.

But to Fan Remix
Its ok if you guys didn't win anything.
But you guys were great seriously.

And I'm pissed with GIANT!

Part 2:
Northbrooks Sec Sch Carnival &
Brooksian Idol 2010
05-06-10

I LIKE MY HAIR!

Wake at 10 as I was told to be in school By 1145.
Reach school around 1130
and meet Belle.

Hang around her booth while waiting for Mrs Ng to call.

The carnival was fine.
The Brooksians Idol sucks.

Waited for a few hours for my performing time.

All I can say that it is not well planned.

Result aren't out yet and I don't even know when

Will it be out.

My CD are gone don't know which idiot took it.

Met a few of the netball girls
And Chill wif them the during the carnival.
It was fun when we are back together.

It just bring back the old memories.

Girls we should hand out together some time.

Part 3:
Chill out with girlfriends & guyfriends.
03-06-10
Not all pictures are uploaded here.
See more on Facebook.

Basically on that day,

I just went out with Nana P.
As we were chilling some where near TAKA.
Met Fizah & Zai.

have a small talk and they approach us to join them
Hang out with Lily And Taqim.
As both Nana P. and myself were bored,

We join them.

That day was full of laughter and joy.
It was the best moments I've had with my girl & guy friends.
Hang out again aite ppl.

2010-05-27T19:26:00.004+08:00

She's sick and breakdown again.

I'm glad that exam are all over but.

I've just receive my result and

All I can say that it is totally badly done.

Worse result ever I've ever got.

As I receive my result from Ms Foo,

She give me a look of disappointment.

What can I say?

After everyone get their result,

Fawzy, myself, Nikki, Hafiz and a few more

were told to stay back.

What else will she said if its not regarding our result?

Every single one were ask:

What are your problems that lead to this result?

Many said due to laziness.

But my answer was:

Too active with outside activities.

After listening to all her advice n nagging,

Headed home and felt sick.

As I lay on my bed staring at my result,

Tears begin to flow on my cheek.

I ask myself,

is the the result that I want for my N level?

I can't answer to it.

If the way I am right now,

I can't possibly show an outstanding improvement just like that.

My mind are full with soo many stuff.

Am I really ready for tomorrow?

Am I ready to face the future?

So many question that I can't answer.

Things are playimg up on my mind.

What shall I do next?

It is really a disappointment.

2010-05-23T20:33:00.002+08:00

SMALL PEOPLE MISS HER GIANT !

And when you love someone,
You don't give up.

Firstly:

Congrats to Baby and his crew

(Fantastic Remix, Fantastic Forze & Fantastic Kids)

In making to the finals for the

Dance Xplosion 5 Competition.

Up Next:

Small People has been absent from school for 2 days.

Yet still planning of not going school again.

Break down for 3 days and still counting again.

Its been long since Small People last meet her Giant.

But after flash mob she met her giant,

She hope to be able to chill him for long but....

Instead it was the other way round.

Waited for everything to end and manage to chill

With him just for a while.

Was upset but at least small people

Did have fun with her giant.

But till now didn't receive any call

From giant since yesterday.

What have he been doing?

Small people is starting to think negatively

Day by day but I'm just not so sure

If I should or not.

I've been feeling so down lately and yet

Giant don't seem to bother bout it

And see any changes in me towards him.

Am I suppose to face all this by myself?

2010-05-17T22:17:00.003+08:00

" When you love someone,

You don't give up"

" He isn't my boyfriend.
But I love his smile,

his advice,

his kindness

And the times when we laugh together,

I guess i fell in love with our friendship."

" Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right,

And forget about the ones who don't and believe
That everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance; take it.

If it changes your life; let it.

Nobody said that it would be easy,

They just promised it will be worth it."

Ever since I had tat dream,

So many things are up on my mind.

I don't even know which step I should and should not take.

Currently I feel like turning back to .....
But I can't.
I'm all hooked up and it has been 22 days and still counting.

And it has been 5 months since I last meet him.
I miss all the fun and laughter that I had with him.
All the debating and nonsense talk with his friends too.

Why on earth must I dream about them at the same time?

It has been 2 days since I break down.
Who should it be?
Decide on it small people?

2010-05-10T20:39:00.002+08:00

So I sit here all by myself
With no-one to talk to and no-one to phone
People always see me as a petite and problematic person
But deep inside all I want to do is cry.

14 more days to mom birthday.
20 more days to fizah birthday.
15 more days!

Exams end this Friday.
Tomorrow is math paper 2 and physics.
For the past few papers,
All I can say that it is all badly done!
I wasn't ready for all this shit & so is N level.
I can already predict that my prelim result is gonna be my worse result!

My brain are just not functioning like how it use to be.
I don't seem to be able to concentrate doing my exam.
What's going on with me.
I just need a break and can I run away from all this papers?

And he's back up on my mind.
Have I make a wrong move?
Who is that admirer?
.......

Shall continue this some other time.

2010-05-02T17:49:00.002+08:00

Small People Love her Giant.

2010-04-19T21:49:00.003+08:00

My weekends are well spent with dancers and peeps.

Saturday plan:

Meet "Baby" at Bedok,

Went for dance rehearsal at Changi &

Off to Raffles Place to Celebrate yayah birthday.

But instead, two of my plans were canceled. Can't meet baby as I thought that I would be late for my rehearsal and for yaya birthday celebration was also cancel as the birthday girl itself can't make it. I shouldn't have text baby to cancel the outing, I could have meet him after rehearsal instead. But it's ok, after rehearsal teddy treat me and Ika for a meal at swensens. I had a awesome meal.. Baby I promise you that we will meet on the 23 or 24Th April aite..

As for Sunday these are my plans.
Early in the morning, 2 dance performance at Yishun Blk 287,

At noon proceed to Bukit Batok for "hip hop" event.

Night proceed to Town to check out S.D.D.

Early in the morning I receive a wake up call from Mat at around 7 am.
Suppose to wake up at 7.30 but thanks to him I ended up waking up 1/2 an hour early.

I pack my bag and get ready to meet them at Yishun MRT by 9 am.

Reach and saw almost all of then were wearing red top n black bottoms.

I was the only outcast wearing white & purple top n black bottoms.

I was so pissed off by then.

But I didn't let that to ruined my last performance with them.
Both dance performance was okay to me.
During the event itself, me, ika, fyqah, muzy, teddy & mat participate in one of the game organise by the emcee of the day itself,

The game was to find the Little Miss Yishun & Mr Yishun.

Guess what I won the tittle Little Miss Yishun where as some dude named David win the tittle Mr Yishun.

The price given was so lame!

Enough bout that.

After the performance, we headed down to Bukit Batok to have our lunch and to attend a "hip hop" event.
When we reach the place, it was more likely to be a water festival instead of a hip hop event.

As muzy got a call from some unknown dude informing him about the hip hop event, it was all bullshit.

Waste my travelling money for going sia.

That make me pissed off too..

After which headed to Town to watch S.D.D.

On the way to town meet Nana first at braddell.
Walk around town and then me and nana decided to leave the crew to catch a "movie".
Ended up me and nana walk around town together instead with the crew.

Suppose to meet N-dy, just N-dy but ended to see Zam along with him.
As I feel uncomfortable, told Nana to ask Choco to join us.

But unfortunately N-dy and zam was not okay with Choco, the outing didn't turn out how it suppose to be..

So then I found out how childish Zam and N-dy could be and how N-dy is really is.

Forget to mention Zairul is there too.
Somethings going on that day but I'm too lazy to type about it.

So many things going on.

But most importantly I really had a great time with them.

But I feel so irritated with haqif and liza. [Meluat aku tengok korang]

I really had fun with my babes n hunks, especially with Nana, Choco, Zairul, Irshat & Lydia.

Hope to hang out with you guys often.

And to Irshat, cute pe kau.
Haha
Wanted to take more pictures but camera low batt la..

2010-04-03T01:39:00.002+08:00

Supp?
What do you think bout those shoes?
Awesome isn't it?

You guys may wondering
how much it may cost?
Ohh well for the Adidas i'm not so sure yet.

But for Radii- the 2nd & 3rd picture-

1st 6 to buy cost ard $150
After which $200

Right now just get the Chingay money,
I still need like around $90
To get that shoes..

To belle:
My aunt & uncle nak tambahkn
Duit to get the shoes.
it's gonna be like my b'dae present
For this year..
Kau bile lagy?
Dah april pn..
Tak beli2 pn kasut supra kau..
Skali dua kn kau nk beli...
hehehe..

Gosh I totally can't wait.
Maya & Mail
Please pass me the money as fast as you can..
I can't wait to get those shoes.

No more supra for sheeqeen.
Its going to be RADII!

2010-03-25T18:16:00.003+08:00

So many things have go on in life.

I've been not coming to school often.

Getting sick much more easily then before.

And not coming for CCA often.

Just had career day just now in school.

I've still not decide yet which path and which course I want to be in.

ITE-Hospitality Operation

NAFA-Dance Choreography

NYP-Retail Management

-Hospitality & Tourism Management

RP-Tecnology & Arts Management

What do I really want?

I still can't decide.

I still need help in life & choices.

I'm just having a hard time.

With family, studies, friends & choices for life.

I'm just dizzy & don't know what is best for me yet.
Gosh this is irritating.

2010-03-13T21:00:00.006+08:00

" Life is totally sucks when the one you love are gone.
I'm sorry for what I've said and I totally don't mean it.
I'm back into depression and I don't know how to overcome it again.
I'm sick yet I still go to school and play some sports.
Mrs Nagy just ask, why I hated you so much.
I don't know how shall I answer her.
But the answer to her question is because you took half of my life away."

2010-03-02T18:42:00.002+08:00

I know I did wrong for misleading you that way

I know I was wrong for saying that.

Why do I feel the way that I do?

Acting like it was nothing, when inside we both know

We used to be such a good friend

But now it seems that has come to an end.

" I searched for acceptance from others

I craved from one then the another

To place myself in the middle to see

Looking into the faces that would accept me

Fulling the need of love

Does not come from them but deep within

I am standing in front of a mirror

Looking,searching and saying 'what happen'

Tears seek from my eyes rolling painfully down my face

Thinking should I ended

The thoughts were horrible and breathtaking."

I just miss those people.

2010-03-01T20:14:00.004+08:00

They use to cheer up my life.

But not now.

I miss the 3 of them.

Especially Firah.
Last Friday just had green life concert.

She suppose to perform with us but she quit.

This never happen before.

When we want to perform,

We will always perform together.

But not this year.

Everything change.

This is what happen when you got so many friends.

Fadz is att.

An is M.I.A.

Won't be able to contact fadz often then.

As for An,

I don't even know where did he gone to.

I use to have people to

Laugh with day and night,

And talk all day long.

But the best people of my life

Are slowly, slowly gone

And next might be me.

To fadz:

I hope you last long with her.

To firah:
I'm sorry as it's just hard to communicate now.

To An:
Where are you?

I miss my guy friends and

You especially Firah.

How I wish that you never make that decision C.B.

2010-02-25T18:01:00.002+08:00

I've been absent from school twice this week.
I don't even knw why is that so.

I know that I shouldn't be.
I've been feeling so down lately.
Yet no one bout it.

I'm glad that no one knows.

I just want to be alone in this life of mine.

Crying on the inside seeing each and every single thing

That is happening in my life right now.

People say that you lead your own life.

But for my life,

Its not me who lead it.

Shall I say its already been prdicted by people.

Everything seem to be plan.
First to go was him.
Nxt gonna be me isn't it.

I was making a joke and you said that,

Ya its true what.

How sad it is to hear that.

Thanks guys.

It really shows that you guys don't need me.

You didn't text me nor to inform me

About anything regarding out pratice.

Am i still part of the crew?

Shall I leave the crew?

I may not be crying on the outside.

But inside no one knows.

Sometimes when I say that

"I'M OKAY", I want

Someone to look at me,

In the eyes, hug me

Tight and say

"I KNOW YOU'RE NOT."

I've been missing lots of people in life lately.

Especailly DAD!

I hope dad is still here with me.

Listening to all my sorrow stories.

Giving me encouragement and love.

I've been feeling so hurt lately

Due to something else.
I just don't wanna mention it.

I bet that

You guys still may be wondering to the

"_____" on my hands.

I hope you guys understands after

Reading this post.

I'm just feeling so hurt and down.

2010-02-22T18:33:00.011+08:00

Those people up there are called
DANCE E!

Friday and Saturday were spent with
Chingay peeps.

Let the pictures do the talking aite.

I am part of Chingay 2010!

2010-02-15T17:49:00.004+08:00

Let the pictures's do the talking!

As you can see ppl,

My valentine's day is bacically

Spent with Gendut's family & Khairi!

Up next!

You won't see me in school

On Thursday maybe &

Friday for sure.

I'm done with reading it.

I'm done with everything you said bout me and all.

I'm done with this life.

I'm done with you and them.

Don't ask why when you see another

"________" on the body.

You guys know the answer to it.

I'm done with everything.

Let this last year be

The way it is right now.

I've got nothing to say as,

Everything is already be predicted.

I'm gonna lay low on everything.

And let this body of mine

Been used, insult or whaterver

By all those humans out there.

Thanks for everything guys.

I really appreciate this friendship.

2010-02-15T17:10:00.005+08:00

With friends that just wanna hve fun.

With friends that just wanna contact each other each and everyday.

With friends that just wanna complain.

With friends that just wanna follow one way and that's it.

With friends that just wanna ditch each other.

With friends that just wanna hear one part of the stories.

With friends that just don't let one to lay low.

With friends that just want to lead with everything.

With friends that just wanna dance.

With friends that wanna do this and that.

With friends that just wanna study.

With friends that just wanna judge each other.

With friends that just wanna make use of each other.

Tell me now,

What am i suppose to do?

The causes of Tuesday emo mood in school.

2010-02-04T20:39:00.005+08:00

It was all happen on Monday midnight.
I was asleep till I heard my sis knocking on the door
And was crying.

I didn't know anything so I decided to continue with my sleep.
Time check like around 10-1030
When mom and elder sis is back .
Both entered my room and was like scolding my 2nd sister.

I was like lost at that moment,
Not knowing anything.
2nd sis then blame me.

All I know is that I texted elder sister saying
" Otw back hm go and take the school pocket money.
No excuses."

I was so tired back then.
Can't she just help?
They were shouting to 2nd sister and bring out the

Old matter again and again.

Then later elder brother came into the picture.
All 3, mom, elder sis and brother
was like scolding 2nd sis and myself.

Saying that they are tired too and
ask me to go and take it instead.
So am I was tired.

2nd sister at a conflict over with grandma,
so she can't go and take it.
Same goes to elder brother.
Elder sis will always give the same old excuse whenever ask
Her to go instead.
Younger sister will always said this and that
And everyone will then ask me.

Look i'm much more tired then they are.
I may look all okay but
What about my inside body.

They are just asking for help and rest.

Do you guys know that?

When i'm sick, you don't really bother about me.
Only 2nd sis is.
You priorities elder sister, brother and younger sister.
Us?
You neglected us.

All the scoldings continue.
2nd sis get a few slaps from brother
and both of us get a few kicks from him also.

But 2nd sis gets the worse.
I wanted to block her but instead she blocked me.
I was worried about her stitches.

No one in the family knows that her stitches bleed before except for me.
Seeing her get beaten up
Makes me feels so hurt.

Mom was there but all she said to brother was
"Dh sudah la tu."
She just said that but she didn't stop him.

I don't know what's going on with this family.

Mom is now on elder sis and brother side.
Where as me and my sister are struggling on our own.
Took the whole night crying and thinking about it.

2nd Sis and myself wasn't treated fairly in this family.

So friends I've been going through so many ups and downs in life lately.
I might be much more sensitive then before.
When you see me down,
Don't ask why.
Its all because of all this.

I thought that 2010,
I could get the fullest encouragement from my family but
It all seem the other way round.
I could dream on getthing an ecouragement and

Family support from them.

Why can't they just understand what I wanna do in life?
What is it so hard to give me your support mom?

To fatynn: it's not a fall mark.
its something else.
something stupid to do.

2010-02-03T20:23:00.003+08:00

Tell me what's going on?

So many ups and downs I've been through in life.
So many commitments till I don't even have time for myself.
So many things to be done till I'm not all organised.

Back to the World of Sorrow.
(I need chocolates.)

With family that just wanna nag to each other.
With family that just wanna quarrel with each other.
With family that just can't seem to have fun together as one.
With family that just seem soo torn apart.

Sadness Strike!
(I need more chocolates.)

With friends that just wanna have fun.
With friends that just wanna study.
With friends that just wanna dance.
With friends that just wanna this and that.

Ain't got anything to say.
(I still need chocolates.)

With myself that just wanna have enough sleep.
With myself that just wanna eat chocolates.
With myself that just wanna get out of this painful life.
With my self that just wanna have
Love, Family, Encouragement & Moral support.

Is that so difficult?
(I really need more of chocolates.)

2010-01-28T11:55:00.002+08:00

Sheeqeen Dementia is off to

" The world of Sorrow".

2010-01-19T21:55:00.006+08:00

Supp readers.
Blog gonna be dead for some time.

Gonna be busy with:
School Dance Practice

Chingay Practice

E.B.S Coursework

F&N Coursework

Projects

More to come...

Fatynn's Birthday is coming.
I don't know what I shall plan.

Birthday falls on the 23 Jan, Sat

And on the same day I got Chingay From2 to 6pm.

How am I gonna celebrate it.

"Girl don't worry aite.
I will try my best to work things out.
And Make you the pizza as I promise."

So many things goin on.
So people if you see me with

My face so grumpy or whatever

It's shows that I'm TIRED

& I WANT CHOCOLATES!

This year gonna be as tired

Like never before.

Damn it.

With Firah.

Netball girls.
I miss playing netball.
Girls make yourself free During the
MArch Holidays aite.
We gonna have games with
Nikki's Frens .

Dancer holicks.
Where are you guys?

Its been long since I

Last hang out with this people.

Hope to hang out with

You guys some time again aite.

Especially with "Donald Duck."

Fadzly.

You lost your phone and now

Its hard for us to contact each other.
I hope that we won't lost contact aite.

Wanie Wak Noi.
Laughing partner.

Are we gonna perform again

During Teacher's Day?

School Friends.
Thanks for being there for me.

I'm gonna get busy with things right now.

Sorry if I can't be there for you guys.

22 Beatz Squad.

Seconds 2 Beatz.

I hope this crew willl go far

Somehow or some what.

Work Hard Dancers.

When Shall we all

Go out together again?

Mom,
I'm sorry &

I LOVE YOU.

Thank You.

The ladies are back.

I hope we will continue to be togehter aite.

To 22 Beatz Squad:
It's okay if we don't win.
It's the experience that we need.
To Fantastic 4/Froze:
Congratz for making the Winner
For the competiton.
All the best to you guys.

22 Beatz Squad.
Continue dancing guys.

Ups and down together.

Have fun and

Love you guys.

We may not be close as before.

But you are still my friend.

I'm still willing to help.
All I want to see is,

To see you go to school everyday

Without miss.

First met 090809.
Still contacting but not always.

Thnaks for being a listening ear.

I appreciate all your kindness.

Thanks for everything.

Funny and easy goin.

Friends.

But now seem to lost contact

With each other.
Miss you guys.

Nana-Sheeqeen-Feezah

We laugh

We have fun

But now everything seem

Different.

Eveyone have their on route.

Hope that your route is taking you

Some where save and

A place you can succed in life

2010-01-03T20:28:00.003+08:00

"She won’t call you, you have to call her. She won’t come talk to you, you should go talk to her. She’s not going to let you act stupid and pretend she likes it. You should just be around her. When you’re with a group of friends, she isn’t going to run into your arms no matter how much she wants to. You need to come up behind her and wrap your arms around her, and let her friends get jealous. She loves you more than you can imagine, no matter how much she doesn’t show it. But you, you need to show her how much you love her. So she isn’t afraid to show it back."
( Copied from Fatynn Blog.
Effing True!)

Supp readers.
So many things going up on my mind.
Frm family to friends.
Friends to Best friends.
Best friends to Bitch/Jerks.

I know that i should start my 2010 with joy and laughter.
But it only start off just for a while.
And went back the same like 2009.
End of 2009 to the beginning of 2010 was so much well spend.
And slowly bad luck came in.

So people I'm changing my number.
You need it you tag me.
I will only txt those ppl who need it.

School reopen tmr.
I'm still not done with school stuff.
And I promise myself that whatever happens tmr,
I'm not gonna let anyone stop me from doing anything.
Like you Bitch/Jerk!

Just like any other human on this planet,
I do have feelings.
Yes, I do.
I feel pain.
I feel sadness and sometimes like my life's not worth anything.

I used to have a great group of friends.
We did everything together.
But something changed.
I don't know what I did or what I said.

It's just a wrong step to take.

You can say/type whatever you want.
Just to let you know that
Your point of view towards me right now
Is not what I think of you.

You've got everything wrong.
And I'm done.
I've move on.
I'm not turning back.

Remember you dream of me and Eliza back as 1?
You were so afraid of that dream being real.
But now it seem real but not with Eliza.
I've move on.

If you think that I'm two- face or whatever.
Just go ahead.
As I've move on and not gonna bother about anyone who
Hated me or wadever so much.

I'm done.
And I know what's my life gonna be like.
And with who I should be with.
Thnx for being such a good friend.
I appreciate you.

2010-01-01T19:12:00.003+08:00

It's a dark pic damn it.

Countdown was spend with dearest An.

It was the best moment of all.

Thnx for the time lovely.
So many things came up to my mind
When I was with you.
All the things that I told you,
Are still playing in my mind.

Gosh I need help here.

" Happy new year sheeqeen!
Takmo emotional lagik tau cause
i'm gonna be right beside you to give
a listening ear.
Give me a wide smile please?"

2009-12-27T22:44:00.002+08:00

2009 is coming to an end.
So did the world of enjoying life.
2010 is coming with a brand new start.
And a brand new 'Sheeqeen Dementia.'
So many things i've encounter in life.
And never want to encounter them again.
Wanted to start a new life.
And to leave the past behind.
But what is left behind?
1.That Bitch
2. Worse Holiday Trip-K.L
3. Those Sentimental Moments
4. That F. Jerk
( Trying to.)
That's about it I guess.
There's so many ups and down in the year of 2009.
From family to friends.
Friends to outsiders.
But the most important thing that I can never forget is
You Mister F.K.
Met you in the year of 2009.
But now i have to forget about you.
Nothing can ever happen in between us I guess.
Sigh.
Got to go.
Will blog about this again some other times aite.

Love,
Sheeqeen Dementia.

2009-12-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

I don't know what's going on in between us.
I was reading ur blog.
That post make me feel like
As if you are really referring to me.

No matter how many contacts I have,
I would still contact you asking how you are
Doing and so on.
But you, yourself are not doing your part.

You can't expect me to be online
For 24-hrs.
I text you saying I got problems with my lappy,
This and that.
I text you to keep you inform what's going on
In life.

Although it may not be that often.
I still did text you no matter what.

Just to let you know.
I'm off and away.
I've enough.

Delete your blog if you keep
Being lazy to blog.

2009-12-25T23:38:00.002+08:00

So many things going on in life lately.
KL trip was a disaster.
I cn't even remember those steps.

Welcome to my blog.
And oopps.
The blog is dead.
Yeah I know that.

lately facing some probs
With lappy and
Got a hard time uploading pictures.
Damn it.

Readers I'm gonna be away for long.
Super long I guess.

Life gonna be horrible
Till the end of the year,
Maybe..

Facing so many challengers
And I hate that too.
I hate that BITCH too.
Super hate her.

Gosh.
Someone save me!
Save me frm those bitches!

2009-12-06T20:59:00.003+08:00

She's back.
But not for long.

" Shikin! IMY!"

" Hw you knw I'm thinking of you?"

There so many stories to be told.

Firstly I've watch New Moon.

Secondly I'm into Chingay as

I got paid for it and it is tempting though.

Thirdly Donald Duck is BACK!

Tuesday gonna have a date with

Donald Duck.

Wednesday gonna have

Backbone checkup and dance practice.

Thursday till 15 Dec

gonna be in K.L.

Yeah I'm gonna be away for some time.

Just a quick post.

Lappy is in

Some sort of spoiled.

And I'm gonna have a hard time

Blogging and online.

There's much more that i wanted to

Blog about but I've got to go.

I'm gonna miss blogging alot.

I don't know when

Is the nxt time i'm gonna be blogging

Nor Online.

See ya.

2009-11-29T02:53:00.003+08:00

" I was SICK &
I felt like I was getting rid off by you!"

So yeah the plan was to meet Paranoia
At AMK around 2.30.
Firah was there to accompany me though.

Wake up around 12 or 1
And recieve a txt msg from firah.
Bt txt paranoia 1st to cancel the meeting as
I was feeling good at all.

After which read Firah txt and
She is all dressed up.
Told her that it was canceled and
She sounded so mad bout it and yeah

I txt Paranoia again saying,
I'm gonna be at AMK,
So just txt me whenever she's reach.

Unfortunately she didn't even reply
Nor to call me.
She wanted those shoes desperately
But didn't even respond to me.
Like WTH & WTF!

Yeah I know that I'm sick
And I should rest instead of going out,
But since she needed those shoes desperately
I still wanna go and meet her and pass her those shoes.

So I told Firah all about it.
Firah came up with a plan to just walk around
AMK and who knew Paranoia would txt along the way.

She did txt though.
Saying she was having a family gathering
to have a "kenduri arwah".
I don't mind bout that.

The thing is
If she has been at one of the
house at beach road,
Can't she just inform me earlier?

Firstly she desperately need the shoe.
Secondly I make the plans to meet her but it was canceled.
Thirdly I re-plan cause I do know
how much she needed those shoes.
Fourthly it was canceled again.

Luckily Firah was there.
And so is Adam one of her fren.
Firah plan to catch a movie but unfortunately
Adam has to accompany his G.F to the doctor.

So Firah and me spend our time at
AMK Hub checking out some stuff.
Till I felt like vomiting.

So Firah then decided
To have a bite at McD.
She do know me well.
She just know what to get for me
When ever I'm ill.

All I need is coca cola and
Not Medicine.
So people out therw when you see me
Ill just get me a bottle of coke and it will
Make me feel better and all well.

Stupid photos were taken while waiting for Adam.
So enjoy the pictures readers.
Its more of me as Firah wanted to try out
her new hp cam with the different
functions but it all looks the same to me.

And now i'm well after
Drinking coke.

2009-11-27T05:17:00.011+08:00

Can't wait for the K.L trip.
I got my eyes on those shoes
Down there especially on
SUPRA #01 #03,
OSIRIS #03,
BABY PHAT #01 & #02.

To be able to get any of it especially
SUPRA #01
or
OSIRIS #03
is gonna be good enough.

SUPRA #01

SUPRA #02

SUPRA #03

OSIRIS #01

OSIRIS #02

OSIRIS #03

BABY PHAT #01

BABY PHAT #02

Those shoes seem to be expensive huh?
Indeed they are but
Let just hope that
I'm gonna be able to own
Any of it.

Gosh I'm craving to have all
These shoes mine.
Hahahahahah..

Readers know what?
I didn't sleep the whole night of
Hari Raya Haji Eve
Just to goggled and blogged
all about those shoes.

I know that I just bought
My Rebook Reverse Jam Shoe
But
Can't I just have
one more or two?

I just love shoes okay!

Seeing all those
Fantastic Crew,
Freekzy Nutz,
Break Force Crew
Dancers shoes is giving me a
Heart pain okay!

I love shoes!

I owned more shoes than
other of accessories okay.
Shoes has been part of my life.

Without proper footwear,
I can't live my
World
&
Life!

People I just need more
Of those kind of shoes.

I'm falling in love with them!
Save me with those shoes!

2009-11-27T00:24:00.010+08:00

Frm chilling out with the ladies to
Cooking the whole night with mom.

From this.

To this.

And this.

Till i'm tired to listen to her stories..
haha.
Actually no la.
Just a candid picture.

Till to this.

To this.

To this candid picture.

Another candid picture.

To this cutting dried chillies
which took me over 45 mins.

To this.

And this.

Till my mom took over.

And lastly off,
sleeping with Salem.
Haha..

Today has been a tiring day for me.
Wake up early in the morning,
Accompany mom to the wet market
And off to the kitchen cutting this and that.

Out chilling with my ladies.
Hang out having caramel frappe, shaker fries, coke.
Taking pics, sharing stories.

Off home and talk to my dearest auntie.
After which help mom in the kitchen again
With the Hari Raya Haji delicacies.
Cook, Stir, Cut and Mix.
And wala, all done.

Finally I can have my rest.
Tmr gonna to my aunts and uncles house.
I miss her Indonesians delicacies.

To all my Muslims friends
Would like to wish you
Selamat Hari Raya Haji.

And now I'm off to bed.
Lights off and
Nite2 ppl.

2009-11-23T22:47:00.006+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday.

ohh well.
The lady up there just turn 18.
But knw wad,
she don't behave like one actually.
Haha..

She's my clown.
She's my sister.
She's my enemy.
She's my everything.

Happy 18th Birthday
May GOD bless you HOPEFULLY!
No present this year
But the thoughts that count.
Don't do ur stupid stuff anymore aite.

Getting older and older in age
but younger and younger in behaviour in attitude.
Why say so.
You don't know how she is.
She may act like a 9 years old girl at times.

Happy Birthday Nabilah Bte Mansor.

Knw wad its 12 55 in the morning and
She's acting like a kid and i'm laughing yet typing about her.
Hahahahaha..

So..

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY
NABILAH/NAFIRE!

2009-11-22T00:32:00.004+08:00

What Hurt The Most?

I just don't know what to say.
I just don't know what's up on my mind.
I just don't know why am I feeling hurt so sudden.
I just don't know what's going on actually.

2009-11-21T00:50:00.002+08:00

A sister more like a
Clown & a Best Friend.

Its great to have a sister,
But at the same time not so great.
Ohh well this sister of mine,
Is just there with full of stories to be told.

We've shared so many stories
That make us laugh together,
Fight together,
Cry together and all
The ups and downs together.

Its fun though.
Ohh well basically tmr gonna
help her bake cupcakes for
Paul la Chendol 18th birthday.

Its great having her all
around me.
Stay tune to the nxt post about
our baking session together aite.

Chill out wif my girls, sis, Huddini.

2009-11-19T23:24:00.006+08:00

ohh well readers.

Today was spent with my

Girls, 2nd sis and also with Huddini,

Fatynn's Mr Hot Hot hair.
(not the little boy.)

I had a big appitite today.

Ate Mac Spicy with Hot chocolates,

After which drink 2 $1 coke,

Sunday hot fudge

And also Mac Chicken.

Alot isn't it?

I know how crazy am I

To spend so much money on food.

But I just can't stop eating.

Had a great fun today with them,

Talking nonsense.

Till here la readers.
I lazy to elaborate la.

All I have to say is that

I really had fun.

2009-11-17T12:15:00.004+08:00

" Hip Hop Nation."

So on Sunday,
Went to CPCC to watch

N-dy dreamgirl, Lil Choco, Loco, Shidy and others

performing to support them.
At the same time,

planing to mit Fatynn, Firah & Belle.

To N-dy dreamgirl,

Sorry la kalau aku sombong ngan kau tat day.

Didn't mean it though.

To Shidy,

Tats really a random qn to ask.

Don't bother to ask again.

My plan is to watch them perform and

mit my girls after their performance which

I thought tat it will end ard

7.30 or 8 but,

they still not performing yet when the clock struck 8.

So yeah I txted my girls,

Saying sorry i might nt be able to mit
them, if they wanna go hm, go ahead.

But my girls did wait for me though.

So as long as those guys get their feet

on the stage,

I was like hurry finish off ur performance.

As soon as N-dy get on stage and sing his

Dreamgirl song and i was like sitting at one corner,

admiring his song so much.

As soon as the ended their performance,

txted my girls asking where are they?

So i went off early and met my girls.

Met them at McD.

Have a quick chat and story-sharing

As firah have to be back hm by 9.30.

Manage to take some pic wif my girls bt

I only gt one of the pics.

And tats bout it.
I do have fun with my girls & the rappers.

And I receive a shocking msg too.
Only Firah & Fatynn knws.

Off to Sentosa.

2009-11-15T23:29:00.010+08:00

2009-11-14T00:06:00.002+08:00

I Love My School Mates

I'm Obsessed With This Vid.

Ohh well my blog seem dead huh?
But im back for some time
With some stories.

Picture uo there,
With Firah & Fatynn.
That picture were taken during
Our day time slumber party.
Had much fun though.

Up next.

Fauzi Rassull Exposed.
The split sisters.
I'm so obsessedwith this vid.
I just cn't stop watching it.

I even reformat it just
To save it in my phone.
Damn funny sia.
Enjoy the vid readers.

Up next.
Spring cleaning.
I don't knw why am I so
Hardworking today.

I was like cleaning the whole room,
From bed to mopping the floor.
Started clening from 3 to 7
And off to watch
" She's The Man"
On OKTO.

After which
Off to use lappy till now.
Msn,
Blogging,
Tagging,
Facebooking.

Hais wad a day spend.
Tmr gonna have fun with my
bboy Zali & Wira
Also with the beatz at Sentosa.
Cnt wait for tmr.

2009-11-09T22:45:00.009+08:00

Supp readers.
Its been months since I last wrote in my journal.

I don't call it journal though.
I call it my
" Mr Notepad."

Sound silly isn't it?

Why call it a journal when you could
eventually name it something else.
Journal is just so common isn't it?

How I wish I didn't even found
My Mr Notepad.
Reading the story it holds just make tears fall out.

Reminds me about those hurtful moments.
With Friends.
With Family.
With Love Ones.

I just can't stop reading it.
Can't stop crying.
Have to start writing already.

If my blog is dead,
Its because I'm busy writing
On Mr Notepad.
haha.

2009-11-03T23:31:00.005+08:00

" It's broken and I found you yet I'm trying to smile."

In the midst of a sentence I felt it!

It hit me, a gut feeling things weren't quite right.

The friendship I had come to know had changed.

It faded as if slowly dying.

I ask myself what is this?

Why is it happening to us?

We were perfect, compatible,

Uniquely friends with our life.

Something was changing.

It had all changed.

Everything was different.

I looked on the floor,

and in front of me lie,

a million little pieces,

covered in memories.

My heart ripped from my chest.

It lie on the ground in a million pieces.

My life was shattered.

What do I do with these pieces,

How do I pick them all up?

I dropped to my knees picked them up,

one by one, piece by piece.

I was taking the first step in getting my life back.

I realized the friendship I still need with all my heart was symbolized in all the tiny pieces.

I sat down and put them all back together again.

I had the answer.

It all begin with you.

You are the causes to this broken frinedship.

But I'm still smiling,

Managing to put it all back together like before.

Unlike you.

It has beena while since i spent my time with her.

2009-11-02T00:21:00.005+08:00

Not covalent bonding but

Mother & Daughter bonding.

Supp readers..

As you can see I don't really elaborate on my

Previous post.

But today post I must elaborate as not much pictures taken.

Basically my weekends are well spend with my MOM.

Shocking isn't it?

Well you guys do know that I don't really

Spent my time with her.

But as for my weekends,

This is what I do.

It all begin on Saturday night.

Went to C.P to get our durians.

We miss eating durians together okay.

Then headed to N.P to get some stuff.

She even bought for me my fav

Cookies,bread and some more stuff which I lazy to mention.

Reach home,

enjoy eating our durians together.

Laugh out loud like there's no tomorrow.

Done with food and all

Light off till Sunday afternoon.

Went to S.S.C with mom,

to get her stuff at Daiso.

Walk around giant and decided to make pizza.

Buy some cheese and topping

And off to banquet.

Not much food were sold there so

Decided to ate at N.P food court instead.

Had our meal and off to cold storage to

Get more stuff for our pizza.

Went home and get stuff done.

My Sunday afternoon were spent making our home made

Seafood and Black pepper beef Pizza.

Yum Yum.

It has been a while since

I spent my time with my mom.

Not much photos taken actually.

I only took when the pizza are all done.

Seafood pizza & Black Pepper Beef Pizza.

Lastly we enjoy eating our

Home made pizza.

It is damn delicious okay.

I feel like making pizza for my

Friends 16th birthday next year.

So to all my close friends,

Stay tune to try my Pizza on your birthday .

Feel like making it for you guys.

Especially to my close one:

Fatynn & Firah.

HAPPY HELLOWEEN

2009-10-31T20:04:00.008+08:00

Shikin The Modern Witch.

Fatynn The Devil.

I Just Admire Him So much.

2009-10-30T02:37:00.004+08:00

Let me just tell you this okay.

The one in that picture is a guy.

He name himself "Singapore Only Male Bitch."

I just admire him so much.

How I wish that I have his hair.

Oh wow.

His a good dancer too.

And a top blogger.

Gosh, I can't stop reading his blog.

His blog is so fun and interesting to read to me but I'm not sure about you guys.

Go on and read his blog at

http://fauzirassull.blogspot.com/

Now I'm his fan and I just can't stop drawing a fan sigh for him.

oh h ya forget to mention his: Fauzi Rassull.

He can even wear a heels to dance too.

Isn't it amazing or what.

Fauzi Rassull,

I just like the way you are.

The way you dance.

The way you blog.

& Everything about you.

Oh ya to my readers, if you are reading this.

And got the intention to go to his blog, go on and read it but don't spam his blog.

If you have the intention to spam his blog, just go and get a life.

He is too busy enough to entertain you spammers I bet.

All I want to say is that,

He is just AMAZING.

I LIKE THE WAY HE IS.

My Dues Pictures

2009-10-30T02:24:00.005+08:00

I'm Done?

2009-10-13T14:51:00.005+08:00

“Sheeqeen Dementia is broken,
Woke up realising it was already gone long ago.”

Am I done with you guys?
Am I not part of you guys?

Why say so?
We seem to do far apart not know about each other.
“Step tk npk, sombong.”
Use to be 5 and now it's 3 and 2.
Sometimes it feels like I’m the outcast among you guys.
Sometimes I just feel so left out till it makes me not welcome to you guys.
All 5 have different thoughts.
2?
One only thinks about enjoying and freedom.
One feels so confuse and controlled.
3?
One is sweet, tall and lovely.
One is a comfort when I’m down and a good listener.
One just has so many stories to be told and its fun to hear somehow.
At times I just don’t know to whom I belong to be with actually.
I just miss my girls, laughter’s, outings.
I just miss you.
And I’m sorry.

“Sheeqeen Dementia is broken,
Woke up realising it was already gone long ago.”

Who am I in your eyes?
I’m here by your side trying to help you in life.
But at times we just don’t seem to be friends.

At times I’m just too good to be your friends.
I just want to make things clear to you that I need my space too.
Most of my time are with you and I didn’t really get the change to be with my friends.
I need my friends too.
At times you just don’t like me to be with my friends.
I’m wondering why that is so.
If you don’t like them, doesn’t mean I can’t be with them and it’s not like I have to be with you most of my time.

I’ve spend so much time with you and I need my friends too.
You want to meet or hang out with your friends I allow and let you have your space
But whenever I wanted to be with my friends I just have to give them excuses till it make them cancel the plan and all.

I'm just sorry and I really need my space.

I won't be by your side for the moment.

Most of my time are wasted and I need them.

"Sheeqeen Dementia is broken,

woke up realising it was already gone long ago."

I know that it is hard for us to meet.

Can't you just understand that I'm just too busy with my stuff.

For goodness sake,

We are just friends and I need my space too.

You wanted to end this friendship this way then I'm fine with it.

Just take care of yourself.

I won't be there for you anymore.

It's going to be gone and you won't see me for long.

"Sheeqeen Dementia is broken,

Woke up realising it was already gone for long."

I'm broken.

I'm alone.

I'm lost.

I need my space.

I need my friends.

I need my time.

Due Pictures

2009-10-13T13:55:00.010+08:00

Dnace performnce @ NLB & Dance Prac Session

2009-10-04T00:39:00.007+08:00

Supp readers.
I know that my blog has been dead for sometime.
But I'm back for a while to make it alive.
Blog has been dead due to me myself and I being busy spending time
With my mates b4 exams are here.
But unfortunately, exam are already here and I'm still not done.
Not done especially on books, mates & finally COURSEWORK!

Tuesday is the dateline and here am I at home
On 3 Oct at 8 pm till now doing the time planning section.
I tot that its easy o done but then 30 pages of word is not that easy my dear.
Other than that i have not revise yet for EBS when the exam is actually just in few days.
Oh wow!
Im in deep trouble.

Enough about that.
Ohh well I'm here suppose to blog about the performance I had at NLB
Also what happens during the dance practice session.
Beside that 22 Beatz Squad got a new dancer.
A friend of mine WANIE!
She's a great dancer though.
She can dance malay dance and also hip hop dance.

Get back to today's topic aite.
Its on Wednesday 30th Sept when the performance occur.
Suppose to go to school but both wanie and i were excuse from school.
Early in the morning at 10 reach bugis.
People are are studying but not me and wanie.
Reach NLB and begin to practice till 2.

After the performance like around 3.30,
We have our lunch.
After filling our stomach full,
Wanie headed somewhere with her mom and meet us again
Around 7 at Chinese Garden Mrt.

Reach dance studio,
We don't really practice.
All we did was to take lots of pictures.
Dance practice was hilarious.
we took pictures together at last.
ohh wow.
haha.
Pictures will be post once I re size it.

Selamat Hari Raya!

2009-09-20T13:29:00.008+08:00

I'm gonna cut my hair b4 Raya!

2009-09-13T23:40:00.007+08:00

Hey readers,guess what?

I'm gonna

cut my hair short.

Don't be shock to see me with shock hair.

Why cut short?

Cause I'm sick and tired of long hair.

To Belle:

No matter what you say, I'm still gonna cut my hair.

To Fatynn:

Sorry we can't exchange our hair.

I knw how much you dislike your hair now.

But you just have to wait for 1 more year

For you to have your long hair back.

2009-09-12T22:52:00.003+08:00

Its 12 Sept and currently the time is around 6:15 am when I type all this in my hp.

Thought of blogging early in the morning but then the laptop is in brother room and I don't want to disturb him sleeping.

Lately I keep having strange feelings towards the life im in right now.

With family seem to be in havoc most of the times to friends whom taking my spot or the place in life and acting like nothing happen.

To them I may not realize any changes.But indeed I do realize the changes.

At home I was the outcast, with friends I'm just the one that is full of mistakes.

Is it me or you that matters most?

In this life, I thought that I was the playmaker of my life. But then it seem like I'm not the one who is the playmaker of my life.

I just don't understand this life anymore.

I only got one life and I want to make it work. But then people around at times just don't want to see me to make it work.

I want to lead my life my way. I want to be the playmaker of my life and not you. I want our dance prac to be like b4. I want to be there with M.G.B.I instead of you being with my mates.

Everything change when you appear and it seem like I was seen gone in M.G.B.I.

Its a matter of me or you right now, right here at this moment.

You seem to be so selfish towards me and my life.

Can you get out of my way?

Bruises AGAIN?

2009-09-11T00:15:00.002+08:00

Just came back from dance prac..
And i got 2 bruises.
1 on my arm and the other on my knee.
Great isn't it?
On the arm, get it when Zali was breaking and hit or shall I say kick my arm accidentally.
On the knee get it when i was stnading up and it hits the table.
It was a great impact okay.
Before getting the one on the knee,
I alr had one which still recovering.

But then get another one.

Like WTH & WTF!

And when I reach home,

Mom told me that we are goin to JB this sat.

WTH!

I was planing to go for the chingay registration thing..

Damn!

Now everything have to be re-plan!

It feels so hurt again.

2009-09-08T20:38:00.009+08:00

Yesterday was a havoc at home.
Its all started of with little sister.
And I get the scolding more then her.

The blame was put on me
When i wasn't the one
Who is at fault.

I get the hurt.
I get the tears.
I get the pain.
I get the bruises.
But not her.

All she gets is just a nag
from mom and not more.
It is so not fair isn't it?

Trying to say she younger among all?
That can't be.
They way she reacted towards me all these years
Show me how much she actually
Prefer, love, care & concern them more.

She's like making me the outcast among all.
I just don't understand her
And so did she.

She seem not to bother how
Hurt and pain i was in.
To her it feels just right huh?

I just need a comfort from someone right now!

Daddy come back.
I want you back.
Why did you have to go.
It's just not the same without you.

It makes me sad every time i see those photos of yours.
Mommy's always nag.
She's always yelling too.
She makes me cry a lot but not as much as you.

I'm always thinking about you.
Your always making me teary-eyed.
I love you daddy why did you have to go.
I miss you a lot but you obviously don't know.

Otherwise you wouldn't have had to go.
God makes me mad because he took you away.
It's hard not to cry but i go anyway.
Sometimes when I'm all alone and i have time to think.
I think about you and i cry and cry and cry.

Some people think "oh you should be over this"
But then i think to myself you don't know how it feels to be in this pain
or to how hard it is to make it go away.
Friends & teachers try to help me but it doesn't help at all.
My head hurts all the time, especially when I'm about to cry.

Its hard to type down these words as tears blur up my eyes.
When i try to speak about you and then i start to cry
I miss you daddy why did you have to go.
Please came back.
Life is not the same without you around.

What if I have a short hair?

2009-09-06T21:01:00.002+08:00

Supp Readers?
Just imagine if I have a short hair?
Wouldn't it be great or a disaster?
Great to me but not to Belle.

How I wish i could really cut my hair short.
But then people around me just don't allow me.
But why?

Isn't it my hair and not theirs.
Everyone wants to look good and so am i?
But is it wrong for me to have a short hair?

Teacher's Day Celebrations

2009-08-31T15:42:00.002+08:00

Supp Readers.
Well its Teacher's Day!
Happy Teacher's Day to all the teacher's out there.
Those photos were taken during the celebrations.
Nothing much to say actually..
But I miss performing at ITE Clementi with my crew today actually.
What a waste.
Other than that, I saw Hilmi in school today.
Like he said, "sombong eh"
No i'm not..
I don't notice that you were there actually..
So yeah, we did talk after all.
Nxt, ermm receive a txt msg from Mr Lin, my math teacher
Saying that" You dance very well. Keep it Up!"
Can't reply his txt msg as my pp8 is currently low.
Over all it was a great performance.
I which there's an encore!

She's Back!

2009-08-29T14:51:00.004+08:00

Hey its Sheeqeen Dementia!
And I'm Back to hit the dance floor!
Yeah Yeah,
I've been dancing lately and busy preparing for
Teacher's Day Performance.

Monday 31 Aug,
The big day and
Can't wait for that.

Other than that,
I din't manage to enter the
"Child Aid".
But Why?
I was busy updating and editing my video for the selection
and didn't even realize that the due that is over.
What a waste.
Just have to wait for next year if there is.

But still,
I got the school stage and else where,
That i could perform.
I won't waste that talent okay!

Friday Fever Outing

2009-08-27T15:08:00.006+08:00

Supp readers..
As you can see my Friday night 21 Aug
was spent with my girlfriends.
Enjoy the picture yall..