SMALL PEOPLE

Supp readers..

Enjoying reading my blog?

So today post is about me.

People said that I'm emo and so on.

But am I?

I don't know.

I'm just feeling depressed and need someone to talk to but I don't even have one.

I know that I like to be alone and listen to screamo songs lately.

I just don't know whats up with me.

I'm feeling so different lately.

I guess I'm changing..

Changing to be the new me once again.

Say whatever you want to say about me after all i just don't care.

Its my life and not yours.

I lead my life and not you.

So if I'm emo or whatever you call me,

Just let me back cause

I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!

Up next.

"Yeah, u go wif me kae"

That was the msg that I got from him last night.

As you know that yesterday I got dance performance,

He text me suddenly.

I just don't know why.

Its good that we are contacting each other once again.

That msg is actually the last msg that I got from him.

He ask me am I going for dance practice on Wed?

And I said "I guess."

And he wanted me to go together with him.

And I said ok.

So I hope that we are going back like how we are.

Like how we use to contact each other.

Like how we use to talk on the phone.

Really hope that we are back.

It just that I miss the old times.

Every since we stopped contacting each other,

I take all those words you said about chocolates seriously.

I stopped eating the candies that I like most.

I stopped eating chocolates after hearing what you said about chocolates.

Although I can't stop eating, I told myself not to instead.

Thanks to you I've stopped my bad habit.

Stopped something that I like most.

Thanks for waking me up.

If not I will eating chocolates non-stop.

Thanks Monster.

Supp readers..
Back once again wif stories waiting to be post.
Basically I just came back home from dance performance at Blk 137.
The dancers basically are Me, Zali, Fizah & Muzy.
So meet them at Chong Pang Mac around 6 but unfortunately,

We have to wait for the star of the day which is Zali.
Waited for him for like 1 hour or more I guess.
So then we plan to wait for him at 137 instead.
So practice at 137 as I'm not really sure bout the formation and all.
And at last he reach so we practice for one last time before performing.

After practicing, waited for the two singers to end their singing then we perform.
Performance was great.
But then Zali accidentally kick my leg and I got bruises.
Thanks to him.

So then after performing, we ate and chat.
Went home like around 9 plus.
Till then everyone headed to their own way.
Zali, Fizah & Muzy headed to the same way where as I walk home alone.
So far it was a great performance although I do make some mistakes.

Keep it up 22 Beatz.

What do I have to do?

I can’t tell you

Use your brain

To see I’m in pain

Agony in fact

Has deep impact

Crushing hopes dreams and ambitions

With no inhibitions

You could at least try

To stop shouting when I cry

To stop nagging when I’m down

Or stop talking when I frown

Work with me

Not against me

Push me along Not back to where I’m from

I’m trying so hard to pick myself up

But I’m stuck

And you’re not helping

What do I have to do?

To show I need you

I can’t kneel on the ground

You’ll kick me around

My insides already bruised and broken

My words already spoken

Your ears always shut

When your in pain its hard for you to cope,but when its a family member who causes it you stop to think.scientists believe its the shock that makes you freeze,But when it happens to you, you know the real reason.its because the one you trust, love and care for has broken that special bond,its because the one person you'd never guess to do this has done it,and because you never expected the worst to come.

Things getting worse or what?

We only talk like one,two words.

What happen actually?

You wanted to carry on contacting me or not?

If you do then why aren't we contacting?

If you don't, why can't you just tell me?

Must I wait for the answer to all my questions till next year or what?

Labels: Why are you making me wait for so long?

Warm regards to my readers especially to BANANA or known as Z..

Currently in school and this is what I wrote during PC lesson.

" I'm not really fully recover from my fever.

Schools sucks lately & I don't even know why.
Schools use to be my favorite place but not now.
Schools been like a hell for me ever since I'm sick.

Friends do sucks at times.
Friends that just can't be bothered.

Friends that criticize you till you are hurt.
Friends that you really need are all gone.

Friends that you don't need appeared.

Have you ever think of how falling in love came by?

Love may be blind and also hurt at the same time.

Love may come and go just like that.
When you love someone,

That person will appear in your life and will end up leaving you just like that.

So what's next?

After school?

After friends?
After love?

NEXT?"

I wrote this long ago and been wanting to post it and yet I forget.
I just miss him badly.

"It's feels so miserable when the one I love is not by my side.

Life is just so different without him after all I was left alone without you.

When they change I said nothing but when I did change everyone spotted it. When I don't have fun during dance practice, people keep saying I'm being such an emo and so one.
Its not that I don't wanna have fun. Its just that it doesn't work for me lately.

I'm just so depressed with everything right now.

Let me get things clear to you Muzy.

I'm someone who is emotional and easily depressed.

I'm stress right now and no one knows how difficult life is to me right now.
I use to have someone to text and to talk with when I'm having problems but now,
It looks like I'm back all alone having no one to talk to except for my note pad.
I've been wasting lots and lots of paper just to pen down all my feelings and whatever I wanted to say to the one who said " I wanna be the guy you wanted to be with."

Muzy, get things clear.
If you don't know anything just act like you don't even know a single thing.
I don't want any misunderstanding to happen among this crew.
I don't want just because of stupid reason, everything will turn out wrong in the end.
Now the crew seem like what only..
Everyone is doing their own stuff.
What's up with crew now?

Some people do know that I'm having a hard time in life.
I've been spending my day in class writing in my note pad instead of listening to teachers.
Nothing much I do nor I learn.
All I did is to write non-stop.
This is what I've been writing for the past few days.

Monday 20April09

" As I was not in good terms with THEM
You know who I'm referring to right.
As I got no one to talk or turn to right now,
I felt so alone in the dark.

How I wish I have a friend that could talk to me for always
How I wish I could have a friend who could lend me a shoulder when I'm really in need
How I wish that friend is with me, nest to me right now .
How I wish that friend could be Monster known as Banana.

Speaking of Monster or should I say Banana,
I miss seeing him
I miss his cartoon voice
I miss his text message
I just miss him a lot.

How I wish I could have Monster with me
How I wish we will never lost contact
How I wish everything was like before.

May my wish be granted PLEASE.."

Tuesday 22April09

Last night when I just reach home around 9:30 pm,
And i was resting watching TV
Still in school uniform.

I still remember it was at 9:50pm
When I receive a call from an unknown number.
I know that unknown number will always be Monster.

And guess what?
It is monster.!
Argh..
I was god damn happy to hear his cartoon voice once again.

He ask me if I'm going for dance practice or not.
I said maybe not because I got exams coming & I need time to brush up on everything.
What a waste.
I should be going to practice so that I will get to meet him.

But to bad I can't.
I stayed at home and study instead.
I'm just missing monster and his cartoon voice again!"

There is lots more that I wanted to say.
But this post is long enough.
Read my next post to know more about
What I've wrote in my note pad all this while..

It might be or might not be about you.

Supp People..
This is what happen to me..
Firstly I have spots on my hands and foot..
Then went to see the doc and it is just a normal spots..
Went back home and have a rest.
Tomorrow morning went to school as usual and on the same day,
there is sports heats for 100m, 200m & 400m run..
Wad a day, I was sick and still have to run..
Went home straight after school and have a 30 min rest and out again to YJC.
Went there and I was like so lost..
Enough bout that..
After the 400m & 100m run,
went home with cramps all over and start feeling so sick..

Although I'm sick,
still went to school the next as exam is just in 3 weeks time..
But unfortunately on Wednesday night,
starting to have a high fever..
So didn't went to school the next day..
Receive a text msg from a friend:

" Oi, sal tk gi skola"

So reply that msg kind of late cause I don't have the mood to reply that kind of msg actually:

" Oi pe kene.. my parents give me name.. kau asl blh je tukar name aku.. aku tk gi skola babsaket la.. My only reason 4 not coming to school is just because I'm sick and not lazy."

That msg turn out into a fight..
You do know that I'm sick..
So i don't give damn..
If you can joke around so do I..
Everyone change but ever since I'm really sick,
how could you criticize me or even being sarcastic with me?
Say whatever you want after all all you did say to criticize and being sarcastic to me,
really hurts and it is not about joke anymore..
Your joke as no longer become a joke..
Since you said that don't mix around with you then FINE!
after all you have your great BEST FRIEND back..

Shouldn't I said that you text me at
the wrong time like how you said to me when I irritates you?
After all Ariyana stories is true..
Life is going like her stories.
So what will happen next?

Labels: Thanks for the wrong timing text msg

As i was surfing the net, this is what i've found.

A story of a girl whom have friends that can't be bothered and a blind love.

Believe the story or not, its all up to you.

For what I know, I do believe as it says that it is based on true stories and real name use.

Her name is Syazz and born in the year of 1991.

She felt in love with a guy name Zalani.

The one she called best friends Fazurah, Elliana & Natasha.

Fahmi the one who gives her advice.

Hazirah the one that she seem to hate.

Her stories begins with Zalani.

Syazz get to know Zalani through Mamat on Wednesday night. They then add each other on MSN and till then they exchange numbers. They contact each other and get to know each other further and Syazz thought that they seem to be bestie or even more than that. As they only met each other twice a week, Zalani never fails to impress Syazz. Till then, Syazz started having feelings towards Zalani. Syazz don't know how to express her feelings towards Zalani, she then create a book and writes everything about Zalani in that book and show it to him. But now they seem to lost contact. Syazz is giving him some space and witing for the truth to bring out by Zalani.

Up next Fazurah, Elliana & Natasha.

Since the begining of the year, Fazurah have conflict with Elliana and also Natasha. They just don't talk. As Syazz wanted everything to everything to stopped, she takes the inatiative to have a long talk with Elliana. After the long talk everythings seem fine and they all became best friends. Things seem to be fine until Natasha change. She change and make Syazz, Fazurah & Elliana didn't even know who she is. As both Syazz & Fazurah know that Elliana is a very close friend with Natasha, Elliana seem not talking to Natasha at all. Natasha is also pissed off with the attitude of Elliana. As they both were pissed off with each other, Elliana aprroch Fazurah and Natasha approch Syazz. But then, Elliana starting being so close with Fazurah until Syazz don't even know why her best friend Fazurah starting being sarcastic and critisize Syazz like how Elliana did to Syazz before. Everything seem so different. Lately Fazurah & Elliana just can't be bothered.

Next its Fahmi.

Syazz get to know Fahmi early this year. Fahmi is an advicer for Syazz. He listens to all Syazz problems and try his best to give Syazz some advice. He also never fails to plan some event that can really cheer Syazz or even to brighten her day. Syazz is just so luckyto meet Fahmi as her advicer.

Lastly its Hazirah.

As Syazz lost her contact with Zalani, Hazirah seem to be the reason why. Hazirah seem to be the one Zalani contacting now and not Syazz. Syazz hate Hazirah so much as if Hazirah didn't even appear in Syazz and Zalani life, they both won't have lost contact. Its true that we can't force love but now it is in between Syazz & Hazirah that Zalani have a choice of. Thanks to Hazirah, Syazz is waiting till a fruit fall then Zalani will bring out the truth. Should Syazz wait for the confession or carry on with her life. What do you think?

The writer of the story: Ariyana

So do you guys understand the story now?

I hope that you guys did.

Why do I believe in such stories?

This is why,

I do have friends that I treated as a bestie whom starting to be

sarcastic with me and to critisize me.

I do love someone but it seem to be a blind love.

I do hate someone as she coz me to lost contact with the one I love.

I do have someone who seem to be there for me to lend a ear or even a shoulder.

The story you just read, seem to be the same like what I'm facing right now.

It is the same and that is why

I DO BELIEVE IN THAT STORIES.

sometimes I ponder bout what will come next,where will my life turn when it seems to stall? when is the next time i will smile again?

and how will I get up, should I fall?

happiness fill me with a touch of sadness,

but that I mean I know it can't last..

beauty decays,laughter subsides when will the stones be cast?

Tragedy can be measured,by the amount of happiness takes away..

Illusion is our only protection,as we fall victim to its prey..

So when I've reached a fork in life's road,

and the choices are mainly of a few..

I followed the one that lead away from misfortune,

that's all I can really do..

When life is good,you have to hold it in your hands,

you have to close your eyes and you have to breath it in..

You guys know what?

Happiness may end while tragedy begins..Today is the beginning,is tomorrow the end?

That guy up there is

Z or should I say its M.M.

Find out yourself who S & H really is.

I've found it myself that it is rather H & not S anymore.
It is just so obvious.
H have everything but not S..
S is just wasting her time loving or even giving her heart to Z..

You can make it obvious and so do S..
She's been missing Z or rather she call M.M.
You know it or not, S just don't get what's your point of doing so.
S just want everything to be out.

S want the old Z back.
She's just wondering what is it that Z is hiding from her?
Z are you afraid to confess everything?
S knows that it is H and no longer S.

S is just upset to herself.
Crying asking what is the problem actually.
Until her blog turn out so emo and dead.
No one knows how S really feels except for certain people.

Z, S is waiting for you.
Although it may be something bad,
although S is not ready to hear anything bad,
S hope that it will turn out like how
Z and S use to be.

Z please stop hiding things in circles.
S is waiting for you.
S is making everything so dead in her life.
Z, do want to see S so dead and making everything in her life dead until she don't even believe in herself?

So do you guys that the story now? I hope that you guys did. What should I do now? What should I say? Everything just doesn't seem right. I just want things to get back like how it use to be. But the main point is that we can't force love. What is it that going to happen next? After you then who? Who going to be my M.M ? Who going to replace the monster under my bed? Who gonna be my banana(don't think wrongly)? Who is it gonna replace you? WHO?

You tell me what's going to happen? Go ahead with H all you want but I just want to know when you said " I wanted to be the guy you wanted to be with", do you really mean it or what? Are all this just an imagination or a fantasy? Is it meant not be to real? So what is it? Things are getting in circles and soon bedroom gonna full of tears. I just don't understand and don't get what's your motive of doing and saying this. Stop saying and making things in circles. S have enough of all this. Just stop taking your own sweet time. Confess to S now! S is hurting and crying! S want the old Z or rather M.M. back. May she get the old ZALI BLOODLINE Back?

Just now at around 4 I guess,

chat with teddy and ask him if banana got say anything.

He said that banana did read my blog and he will tell

me something that i didn't expect.

Now I'm wondering what is it.

I did ask Teddy is it gonna be good or bad.

Teddy said that it might be bad for me.

So what is it that banana gonna say..

I'm just waiting for the time his gonna say it but

at the same time I'm not ready to hear anything that's hurts.

So what is it actually..

If you really did read my blog,

I hope that you know and understand how much

your presence in my life

means a lot to me.

Problems never been solved.

Love never been get so hurt.

Saying "I love you" is a hard thing to do. You might be worried if you are really expressing your truly feelings or if you are being pressured into it. Everyone has their own time when they think that it is appropriate to say "I love you". There is no right or wrong time. However, it is hurtful when an individual makes himself/herself vulnerable and says, "I love you", and his/her words are not returned. Sometimes it may be a simple act of courtesy to return the sentiment. On the other hand you may be setting him/her up for false expectations about the potential for a relationship.

Please don't leave me alone.

For this once, I'm so lost without you.

Now I can't breathe, I can't sleep. I'm torn into pieces, broken up, deep inside.

You won't get to see the tears I've cried once again, you make me feel alright for once in my life.

Now all that is gone and its all left to me,

It is what I pretend to be so together but so broken up inside.

Seeing you may kills me now,

NO! I don't want to cry on the outside ANYMORE,

You used to look at me as if I'm the only girl around and you make me feel

Important and never let me down. You've showed me how to live,

how to smile, what to say and what its worth to love someone

each and everyday. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say as the one, the monster

is you baby. Its Zali Bloodline. You are the one. You are everything I need.

I love you baby.

Let's start off with this song.
I'm still waiting for that call from you.
I just don't know whats up with me.
Things just doesn't seem right.
I cried in front of you and I don't know why.
Not only once but TWICE!

Things just doesn't seem right.
But what is it.
All I want is to have the old you back.
May I?

Mr Monster what is the real problem actually.
Mr Monster why can't you just let everything out.
Mr Monster may I have the old you back?
Mr Monster I need you.
Mr Monster please don't leave me alone.
Mr Monster you are my everything for now and I can't bear to lose you.

I don't know where to start or to stop
No, but I know I am not done
I've enough of hurt and I don't want you to hurt me.

So am I falling out of your hands,
out of your heart?
And when I hit the ground,
Are you going to save me or watch me fall or even
Are you going to be sorry when I'm not around?

You said you wanted to be the one
That I wanted to be with
But now it doesn't seem like you wanted to be one.

Are those what you said true or
just a make up stories?
I stood by all you said
But
it seem like it was just a fantasy.

And all that you did,
make me love you,
I don't know how to act or what to say.

So today end school at 3 and went

to hall to watch Farah & Ellyza dancing and then headed home straight.

Reach home around 3:45 and have my tummy full

and have 1hr 30mins sleep.

wake up at around 5:30 and iron my clothes and have a

long nice cool bath before went out for dance practice.

Take my own sweet time getting ready and left house

around 6:10, went down to the bas stop and just in time,

965 comes and get in the bus and headed to Woodlands.

Reach Woodlands around 6:40 and headed to MRT station.

waited for 2 minutes and here comes the train.

Took the train to Chinese garden..

I used to take train to Yew Tee then headed to Chinese Garden

but now I headed to Chinese Garden and not to Yew Tee first.

Then reach Chines Garden around 7:10 and text

wira and ask if he reach already or not.

So meet him at the control station and waited for Muzy.

After the wait,

headed to Yuhua CC together.

Reach there and Ain was already there waiting for us.

Muzy go and get the key and off we go to the dance studio.

I was excited as I can't wait to meet Mr Monster but

when he came, it's like we are acting like we just get to know like

how we are during our first meet.

then told Farah to call me as I can't stand him anymore.

So she called and I cried on the phone.

cried and cried and luckily my eyes aren't swollen.

stop talking and I start practicing.

again can't stand him and talk on the phone with farah and

this time round he notice that i was crying.

Good that you notice.

I cried actually because of you.

I shouldn't have come if I know that this going to happen.

Thanks for everything and I appreciate it a lots.

I still hope that we could keep in touch like how we used to be.

I felt sorry for you after listening to your stories.

Hope that your dad get well soon and

don't think negatively kae.

I miss the old you and I need you

Please don't go away from me.

I admire this song so much.

The lyrics are so god damn

MEANINGFUL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj1HcughPSg

you guys have got to listen to this song.
below are the lyrics to the song:

Lately I've been thinking about what I can do

I've been stressing to fall back in love with you

I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through

But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe

You've been wonderful in all that you can be

But it hurts when you say that you understand me

So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I loved

I wanted you, I wanted you

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door

Trying to take us back to where we were before

But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore

'Cause we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now

We've been walking around in circles for some time

And I think we should head for the finish line

So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I loved

I wanted you, I wanted youI wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted you

I, I... I'm so sorry babyBut I,

I... I gotta pack up and leave

But I, I'll always remember how we came close

... to being how I wanted to be

I wanted you babyI wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I loved

I wanted you, I wanted youI wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted you

It have been long since I don't feel right lately.

What I mean by that is that,

something bad going to happen and I don't even know what is it.

Why do I say so?

Firstly I dropped my drink

secondly I dropped my chopsticks twice.

Friends and close ones told me that

it is a bad omen.

I'm just too scared.

I'm not ready to face anything that's going to be hurt.

Firstly, We stopped contacting with each other

Secondly, you have a conflict with your uncle and lost your fren thumb drive

Thirdly, my slides save in my thumb drive are all gone.

Fourthly, I cried suddenly most of times without a reasons.

Next?

What is it that going to happen?

Why must this happen at this period of time?

"Gd nite gorgeous! Swit drimz!"

That was the last text msg I receive from

MR MONSTER

at 060409, 01:34:34 Am

Till then we stopped text each other.

I 'm gonna let you have your space but bear this in mind,

I don't wanna to lose the one that said:

" I wanna be the one that you wanted to be with."

I know that it just doesn't seem tight lately for you

and also for me but I really hope that we could still

keep in touch.

I don't want this friendship or should I say

more than a friendship to stop

along the way just because of Small matters.

This friendship means a lot to me.

But why?

This is so cause,

I've never been as close as

how close am I with you with a guy till

the guy really know and cared a lot towards me,

the guy that really encourage me in everything and also the

guy that who really know how to make my day and to cheer me up.

I hope that you did read my blog.

All those post are really meant for you.

It isn't like I've got nothing to better to do,

The thing is that you are the one who make me want to blog about you.

Everything that is on this blog are posted with a purpose and

not because I feel like to.

I did offer a help but all you said that

I can't help.

But why?

What is your reasons for saying so and why is that so?

Can you please stop hiding things from me and stop talking in circles.

If you really want to know why I cried on that day

and why i don't feel right the day you got for that pit is because

that someone make me feel that she's gonna talk about me or even ask you.

I cried because I can't bear to treated like this.

I've enough.

I just don't like the way you treat me lately.

I know that you have a problem with your

uncle till your uncle throw your phone till

it doesn't really work well.

I do know how you feel.

I know that you are hurt.

Everyone do get hurt but

your hurt is not like how i was hurt.

Mine was worse.

If you notice there's marks everywhere on my hand.

Only people surround me really know about it

and really know how hurt am I.

My life is no like yours.

It's easy for you to say that I have to be

strong and to enjoy life..

But how am I going to enjoy my life when

I'm actually hurt.

So you tell me now.

What do you mean that you are not being you?

I just don't get you.

Why is it that you love to talking circles

so much?

please straight forward to me,

is it hurts or not,

it all depends on what you gonna say.

If it something hurts let me tell you this,

I'm gonna say nothing but OK!

but when I'm back home,

I'm gonna promise you that I'm gonna

break down and it gonna be

my worst day ever.

" No I really wana cntct wif u. Tpi the thng is, I nid to jimat my pp8. Dats y,smetinmes i jst kol u wen I free."

I just don't understand.

What do you mean?

We do have problems with each other and I did try

to tell you and seek for your help But

why is it so hard for you to share your problem with me?

Who knows with I really could help you.

I want to back out from the crew but you don't let me to.

You encourage and give me advice so that

I could move on and still be in the crew.

But now, it just doesn't seem right.

Can things get clear ASAP!

I just don't want it to carry on like this cause

I'm not as strong as you and

my self-esteem and also confidence is always been

let down by someone whom use to be my bestie.

but WHY?

Can you explain things to me so that

I don't underestimate anyone of us or even her.

I just want things to go smoothly like how it use to be.

i don't want you to make me melt over you and up, I will get

hurt for losing the one and only monster that is under my bed.

I've been slipping without hearing the voice

of the monster under my bed and I don't even know why?

Where have the monster gone to?

Why is it fading away?

What is his motive of fading away?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

PLEASE TELL ME WHY?

On Cinema 9 April 09..

Wish to watch with you or even watch

together with you and my friends.

hope this plan will happen

cause I'm waiting for the day to went out with you

Mr Monster.

Lets watch it together.

Slowly, we barely contact each other.

What's going to happen next?

I just want things to get right..

What for I waste my time taking the initiative

to text you when it seem like you don't even want to contact me.

It just doesn't seem right lately I guess.

I don't want anyone to get hurt especially me.

Like I said to you,

there's something I want to explain to you but something or rather someone is stopping me.

The truth is that,

It is someone that means a lot to me and I'm scared if I explain to you,

I'm going to lose that someone.

Someone that I just get to know this year, someone who impress me a lot, someone who really know how to make me laugh and someone who knows how to make my day and someone who cared a lot about me.

I really hope that you understand who that someone really is..

I just don't want to lose the one that really knows how to make my day again..

All those tears are actually meant for that someone.

I just so depress thinking about that someone and only

Farah really knows how I feel.

She's the one that I really trust ..

I trusted you but

someone who really know us talk about me to you

and you are hiding about it from me cause you are reacting differently

towards me now a days,

I guess..