Let's get things straight.
When I say "Brain still thinking of going out to chill, drink, eat & fun" in my previous post, I didn't mean as in to get drunk or what so ever. People say that you can post anything you want on your blog but not everything. That is what I'm doing in that post actually. Not everything has been said about June holidays.
What I'm trying to say is that drink=normal kind of drink & eat. I didn't expect for you guys to think that far. But you guys did and what can I do bout it. I was feeling so down during my June holidays and there are things that happen which make me say that "Brain still thinking of going out to chill, drink, eat and fun."
At home there's nothing that I can do, eat or whatever. I'm facing harder than before. School gonna starts in few hours time and I know I should be sleeping but I just can't.
I'm not yet ready to face you guys.Cause I know you guys gonna ask "how was your holiday." I don't want to talk about it. June holidays are not really spent much with you guys, but it's ok, you guys had your plans.
Most of the time, I just stayed at home, rotting hearing Mrs Come Back Home nag and get erm..
I didn't expect life to turn this way. But what can I do? I'm just hoping for the better. After reading text message and Belle blog, I felt so down till I break down again and again. Guys I hope you guys really understand what I'm trying to say. I can't elaborate more.
And I shall end with this:
"I have a lot of problems in my life that I don’t like talking about. I’m a complicated person and no many realizes that. People look at me and judge me but that’s okay they don’t know me. I honestly feel alone in the world, like no one understands me, but I hope that one day maybe, just maybe someone will. The world is a crude and horrible place that we live in and I’m starting to realize that now. I’m starting to realize who’s going to be there for me and who’s not. Meeting new people is making a difference in my life, for the better, hopefully. I see more and more people hurting me each day. From the things they say to the actions they take, they're breaking me down, slowly."
Lets begin with this:
" Do you see that girl staring into space? If you were to ask what's wrong, she would say nothing, when in reality it's everything. She's sitting there wondering what she did wrong, what she could have done differently, how she would have changed it if she had the chance. And if she had the chance to go back and do it again, would it end with the same result? That's why she stares."
I just don't know what to decide and what to do next in life. People keep saying finish up with your secondary stuff and go to Poly or ITE then decide from there what you want to do next. Its easy for people to say cause maybe their life are not as hard as mine. Talking about it every single time make me just wanna stop.
School starts tomorrow and I'm still left with a few more physics questions waiting to be done. Brain are just not thinking anything about studies/dance. I feel like doing nothing.
Dance pratice is tomorrow at 4:30 and if i'm late, fine $2. Can't afford to be late. That's the new rule for the girls crew and I'm not sure about the guys rules. Everything and everyday is a new begining but I have to see it not as a new begining cause I just can't.
And I shall end with this:"Sometimes, too much happiness can be frightening. Cause you know, things end."Let's begin with this:
"Life isn’t about keeping score.
It’s not about how many people call you and it’s not about who you’ve dated, are dating, or haven’t dated at all.
It isn’t about who you’ve kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you.
It’s not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school.
In fact, it’s not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn’t about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
Life just isn’t about that.
But life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It’s about how you feel about yourself.
It’s about trust, happiness, and compassion.
Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence.
It’s about what you say and what you mean.
It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have.
Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else’s in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.
These choices are what life’s about."Holidays are coming to an end.
And I'm finally finishing all the holidays homework.
School are opening soon and school stuff are not yet ready.
Brain still thinking of going out to chill, drink, eat & fun.
Holiday are suppose to revise and do revision but I'm more into doing other stuff.
Most people are spending their holidays with family and friends.
But unlike me, just rotting at home and go for all girls crew dance practice.
It seem like I'm not in the mood for holidays nor school.
Life seem to get even worse and I don't even know how does tomorrow looks like.
17 July or 24 July might be my last dance.
I'm just not to sure of what I really wants.
So many things are up on my mind and I can't seem to decide.
Full time listening ear seem busy working and it seem like he ain't got the time to listen/talk/mit up anymore.
But it's okay, I have to understand that he's having his attachment though.
When school reopens I just hope that friends won't ask anything bout my left hand or whatever regaeding "June Holidays."
June 2010 seem to be a bad moment for me.
I just can't wait to say goodbye to June and welcome July.
July is near and so many July babies are waiting for the month to come.
3 July-Fyqah 15th Birthday
12 July-Azfar 16th Birthday
13 July-Ndy Dreamgirl 19th Birthday
20 July-Small People 16th Birthday & Khairi 18th Birthday
That's bout it I guess or is there more people that I miss out?
I'm not yet done about June anyway.
Today is 24 and tomorrow is 25.
25 June marks 2 months of my "friendship" with eshut parker.
1 month of relationship and 1 month of friendship.
What will happen on Friday?
Should I text him or just forget about it.
I just don't know.
I've been missing him lately.
I thought that I've manage to forget bout him but it seem to came back.
Shall end here with..
As I was reading a fren of mine tumblr,This is what I've found
To me it means so much as I'm
Currently missing someone in life and don't seem
To be able to get back to the past with
That particular person.
Can I turn back to the past
And live the life to the fullest with that person?
Just uploading this for C.Fiona
Upcoming dance comp, hope you are intrested
As this is the only comp that I can find.
Haha, if you need the form just inform me aite.
I can get it for you.
If there's more dance comp i will update through blog.
Urban Floormix 2010 was a disaster.
For those who didn't attend, that's good.
For those who did, I'm sure you guys know how bad it was.
I prefer Urban Floormix 2009.
It was much more way better then 2010.
Sorry to say this, I bet not many crews gonna join this dance comp again.
If there is Urban floormix 2011.
The sound system sucks and the event is not well plan.
The emcee didn't deliver well during the event.
Helpers on that day are not doing their job well.
Everything was just in a mass.
Try to talk things out with Muzy and Taufik regarding the event.
But they just won't listen.
Want to do it their on way and everything sucks.
Told me to ask the rappers to come at 1.30 for sound check but end up the had their sound check at 3.30, almost 4 when the event itself was about to start.
What's the point of having a piece of paper with the schedule in your hands when you don't even follow it.
I'm not going to be part of it anymore until the event is well planned and not all sucks. Not going to help you guys ask the rappers to perform or what ever.
Gosh, I'm just pissed and I can't believe I cried twice that day for this kind of shit event.
Was feeling so stress bout the event and only Nana P. and Nazmi knows how it feels like when everyone tells you the event sucks, this and that when you are just the asst. organiser (was given the role by draw lots, like wth.) and didn't know much bout the event and when everyone is like blaming you when you've tried your best to solve the problems but no one is listening to you.
To fik no point commenting on facebook saying:
"We would like to apologise for everything to the participants and audience. We hope there is no grudges against us.. It was all a last minute thing. the Emcee could nt come coz he gt some urgent issues to make.we are so sorry for the cock up event."
Its not like the emcee couldn't make it. The emcee is there. Don't try to cover things up. It's just the emcee are just not too sure of what is going on that day. Its not a last minute thing. You guys have planned about this since the beginning of the year. But everytime when I gave opinion or suggestion, you guys just won't listen or just said that, " Yes, I know. We will do that later or whatever." This is what happen when you don't listen to people opinions.
This is like the 2010 Worse Event Ever.
I was surfing on facebook, till I found this.
Him: If u love someone,let them go,if they return, u are meant to be together...but if they did not,u don't have to be upset but instead move on with someone else and that could be the lady that will be with u forever..
I then decided to reply with this.
Me: You can't simply wait for that person to come to you, you yourself must do your part. you never knw if tat person whom didn't even come to you is actually the one whom really loves you and want you back.
He then commented on it.
Him: Are you like answering to my status?
Me: Your status? Hmm, im nt sure bout tat.
Im juz saying wad i've gt to.
haha..
tk kn dier terase kn.. hmm...
I just think that what he said on his status don't really seem right. You never know if that next person is the one whom really is the one. At times the one who is gone, can somehow be the one for you. Things are complicated and it doesn’t matter who dumped who or why. Whenever a girl/guy see an ex with another girl/guy, it always bothers us. Not because we’re not over you, but because we know that we used to be that person whom always be with you.
120610Last night had a dream about us texting each other.Him: How u doing?
Me: Fine I guess.
Him: Ouh ok. Cn I ask u sumthing?
Me: Yea, wad up?
Him: We are officially done rite?
Me: IDK. Wad do u think?
Him: Yes.... No...I was awake then when I heard my mom voice shouting waking me up.Damn it, I miss out the most important part of the msg.Wad is it that he wanna say?
Wad does this me eventually?Gosh, I was crying and our picture was on my wallpaper..
Hais..
Everything around me reminds me of Giant.
I don't know how am I going to face tomorrow.
I tried to move on but it is just so diff.
Gosh damn it.
It is all over between us.
250410-080610
Me: B. Where you at?
Him: Hme y?
Me: Tk keluar?
Him: Jap lagy, Knape? where u at?
Me: Hm. U goin for prac?
Him: Yeap, nnt. I igt u klua ke ape. Blh jumpe kat wdlnd.
Me: I won't be goin out THESE FEW DAYS. I hve to finish up my cw...
Him: .....
It then lead to..
Me: Ouh ok, so kirekn u going to spent ur holidays by just goin 4 prac?
Him: Yes I suppose.
Me: N nt going to spent time with me?
Him: Abeh tady u ckp ape? U bnyk cw kn!! Tis few days u tk leh klua!! I was about to ask if u cud go out ke tk bt den u alr ans!! Knape bby suke tuduh I dulu sebelum tanye??
Me: Mane ade tuduh. I was juz asking u. Yes Im going to be busy doing my cw bt then I knw hw am I suppose to manage my time so that Im able to spent time with you. Its nt like everyday I'm doing cw. I only said THESE FEW DAYS.
Him: bt den u ckp ' nt spending time with me' da mcm u tuduh i kn!! dh la b! Im sick n tired of all this!! Dgn fam, dance, U lagy! I feel like ending my life. do u knw tat?
Me: B I tkde niat pn nk tuduh u, dh u nk ckp mcm gitu, ckp la.. I je kn yg salah, u je ug btl. B sendiri ade prob tk nk share. Hw am I goin to be ur listening ear if u dun even wanna share ur prob? Yea u r sick n tired of all this shit.bt y? Bcoz of me.
Him: Suke hati u ar nk pikir ape!
Me: Fine! U dh mls nk layan I kn.
Him: Ikut suke hati b ar.
Me: All this while I tried to understand u, giving u space. Bt tis is wad I get. Thnx. I knw im full of nonsense.
Yet no reply.
Am I really at fault?
I Don't know.
Later at nite, he called.
I was so mad at him n myself and didn't even want to pick up his calls.
He then txt me.
Him: B :(
Me: B do u knw u making me feel tat u taking me 4 granted.
Him: B, tat really hurt me. Its like u saying, Im using u.
Me: Why must u always get me wrong? Stp jumping into conclusion will you? I'm not saying u r using me bt taking me 4 granted. Like u r nt being there when I need you and yes, I do regret whenever come to support you. Cause in the end you will act like as if im nt there? Wat do u treat me as? Am I wrong to demand tat? Please B I'm ur gf and nt some street chick. Please..
After which, he didn't reply.
So ya b4 when to bed, I txt him again.
Me: B my words may be harsh. None of us want tl it off. I juz want to spent time wif you. I knw u r busy with dance. All I ever ask is ur time. N nt mre bby. is tat so hard? Pls b, I dun want to live alone. I nid you bt ur time are just for fam and dance. I tried to understand you but I cant. Coz I dun knw wad u r facing now n u want to face it alone. Kte susah same2, senag same2 la. Pls think bout wad I've said and am really ur bby g?
No reply till the nxt day.
Recieve a txt msg frm him ard 545-6pm.
Him: B, tis is the last time im gnna call u bby. Tis is the last time u gnna recieve msges and calls frm me. I think its better 4 us to split bcoz i cnt be wif u most of the time, be there when u nid me. I knw i've hurt u alot. Bt im sorry. I think its better 4 us to say goodbye. Im sorry. I knw i've hurt u. I knw im a jerk. Thnx 4 being such a wnderful gf all this while bt i'll pray dat u will find a way better bf that is nt a jerk like me. Im happy to have u as my gf. thnx sheeqeen bt i hope we cn still be close frens. Lastly im sorry and move on aites. :(
Readers I'm sorry, cnt move on with the story.
I'm feeling really dwn rite nw.
I hope you guys understand this far.
And to my "Baby Giant"
A very goodbye and Im gonna miss you.
Damn it my Mp3 sucks rite now.
Thanks to my 2nd sis.
How would you feel when you lend someone your stuff and when you get it back, it is not functioning normally and there's nothing you can do about it?
Feel frustrated and pissed off isn't it.
Well that is what I'm facing right now.
I reach home from school around 3 listening to my Mp3 when it was functioning normally and my 2nd sis beg to use the mp3. Let her use it and when I woke up from my nap, saw it not switch off at all. I tried to switch it off but I can't. The LCD screen remain blank.
Tried to charge it and who knows it might change the matter. But nothing happen. told her to take full responsibilities with my brother ask anything bout it as that Mp3 belongs to my elder sister to my brother and to me. At any point of time my brother will ask for it when ever he wanted to use it.
What am I suppose to say? The bloody sister of mine is getting on my nerve seriously. Till now all she did was to watch tv like as if she did nothing and don't bother to do anything bout it at all. And here I am blogging about it and the Mp3 is still in the same state. Gosh what am I suppose to do and say, I just don't know. Somebody save me.
I hope by tomorrow morning it will all be fine. I'm just gonna let it on the whole day till the battery is flt and just charge it the next day and let's just hope that everything will be fine as per normal. And when it is, this is gonna be the last time my 2nd sis will be able to borrow the Mp3 and my other stuff. I've enough of her nuisance. this not the first time anyway.
Readers don't mind me as today post gonna be super duper long.
There are so many things up on my mind which make me really wanna blog.
As I was surfing on Facebook. This is what I've found and I don't really think that my giant mean it when answering the question.
(Social Interview)
What is Sheeqeen Dementia's
My Baby Girl.
Firstly I'm sorry if I'm having this kind of mindset. I know you want me to change my mindset but I just can't. I don't see the point of me changing my mindset and you yourself didn't. If that is really your answer, I just want to ask you this, Am I really your baby girl? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know? You answer it.
I tried to understand you all these while giving you space for dance and your own stuff. But I just think that, I've given you too much space till you don't even manage it well till I'm not even written in your time-table I guess. Don't said that I didn't tried to understand you or whatever, I did and I've tried. It's just you that don't let yourself to have the time to spent with me. If that is how you treat your baby girl, then I'm sorry that is not how I want to be treated.
I hope you are reading this. And please stop saying things that make me feel so down. If you don't want to see me breakdown then for goodness sake, think bout what I've said and manage your time well giant. I'm just asking for a few hours of your time. Is that so difficult?
Small People In Da House!
Blog updated!
Part 1:
Dance Xplosion 5
04-05-10
Everything was fine on that day.
Until there's things came up between
Choco & Nana P.
So not pictures were taken.
Congratz to Fan Kidz & Fan 4 Crew
on their winning yesterday.
You guys deserve it.
But to Fan Remix
Its ok if you guys didn't win anything.
But you guys were great seriously.
And I'm pissed with GIANT!
Part 2:
Northbrooks Sec Sch Carnival &
Brooksian Idol 2010
05-06-10
I LIKE MY HAIR!
Wake at 10 as I was told to be in school By 1145.
Reach school around 1130
and meet Belle.
Hang around her booth while waiting for Mrs Ng to call.
The carnival was fine.
The Brooksians Idol sucks.
Waited for a few hours for my performing time.
All I can say that it is not well planned.
Result aren't out yet and I don't even know when
Will it be out.
My CD are gone don't know which idiot took it.
Met a few of the netball girls
And Chill wif them the during the carnival.
It was fun when we are back together.
It just bring back the old memories.
Girls we should hand out together some time.
Part 3:
Chill out with girlfriends & guyfriends.
03-06-10
Not all pictures are uploaded here.
See more on Facebook.
Basically on that day,
I just went out with Nana P.
As we were chilling some where near TAKA.
Met Fizah & Zai.
have a small talk and they approach us to join them
Hang out with Lily And Taqim.
As both Nana P. and myself were bored,
We join them.
That day was full of laughter and joy.
It was the best moments I've had with my girl & guy friends.
Hang out again aite ppl.
